


Why am I like this?

by whatsherfaceishere



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Drinking, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Abuse, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 03:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14926578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsherfaceishere/pseuds/whatsherfaceishere
Summary: Brie is new to this whole farming thing and struggling to keep it together. Shane has been in Pelican town for over a year now and is struggling to keep it together. Maybe they can struggle a little less together?





	1. Welcome to Pelican Town, I guess...

Shane is dragging his feet to work. _It’s too early in the damn morning for this shit._ It’s 8:30am and most of Pelican Town is still asleep, or at least still in their own homes. The small town is still and sleepy, with only the occasional bird chirping and Shane’s annoyed footsteps to break the silence. This is Pelican Town, where everyone knows everyone’s business and find entertainment in small town gossip and drama. _I hate this place._ Shane must have thought that at least 3 times every day since he and Jas moved here a year ago.

Everyone had been so intrigued and astonished when they arrived, a man and his niece moving in with his distant cousin after years of only occasional phone calls. Of course, it wasn’t that he didn’t like his cousin Marnie, he just hated visiting this teeny-tiny hamlet. He hated the feeling of constant observation and scrutiny by all of the residents. He hated being ‘news’ or a subject of conversation at someone’s afternoon tea. Most of his life he had lived anonymously in the city, where everyone focused on their own lives instead of trying to pry into the lives of every passing visitor. Everyone always talks about how wide and open small towns are and how cramped and claustrophobic cities were, but Shane had always thought it was the other way around. Sure people’s houses were closer, or in some cases on top of each other, but in the city Shane felt like he could relax. Like he could be as open about himself as he wanted and no one cared or judged him for it, they just moved on with their lives.

They’d moved to Pelican Town because they had to, not because Shane liked it. Shane had always thought he’d been able to take fairly decent care of himself, but then Jas had been left to him. The daughter of his best friends, his roommates, the closest people to him in his entire life. She was way brighter than Shane, he could tell that even before she could speak. But then, his two best friends died, and that left Shane to care for Jas. The cost of living was too high in the city, and Shane couldn’t afford their place on his own. Calling up Marnie had been his last resort, his Hail Mary into the dark abyss of uncertainty. Shane was going to see that Jas was taken care of, no matter what. _It doesn’t matter how you feel, this is best for Jas._ This was his internal response after brooding over his distaste of Pelican Town every day for the last year.

Shane sighed heavily and turned the corner around the Saloon, when he felt an impact and went crashing to the ground. He didn’t feel any scratches or gashes, but he could feel some minor bruises forming on his knees. “Hey, you wanna watch where you’re going?” Shane growled at the stranger who had run into him and was now on the ground next to him. She looked about 20, with dirty marks all over her clothes and two light brown ponytails coming out from under a straw hat. “Oh jeez, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” the girl flustered. “I-I was just caught up in my own thoughts and wasn’t paying attention. Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Shane opened his mouth to answer, but only got out an “I-“before she sat up and continued on. “You’re not bleeding are you? I could run into Pierre’s and get some band-aids and some Neosporin if you need. I’m so sorry, why am I like this? God!” During this whole tirade, Shane had noticed her spilled bag of a variety of _‘Pierre’s Highest Quality Seeds!’_ and had begun to put them back in her bag. He let her chatter on nervously as he put her seeds back in her bag and made sure he hadn’t dropped anything of his own.

“HEY!” Shane snapped, mostly so that she would listen stop floundering. “I’m okay, don’t worry about it. You just need to get your stuff and I just need to get to work.” She looked at her bag with the seeds now neatly stacked in her bag, and then back to Shane. “Okay, thank you. I’m so sorry though. Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked as they both stood up. Shane’s eyes narrowed as he looked at her suspiciously, “Yeah, I’m sure. Seriously, don’t worry about it, alright?”

Shane inspected her warily to realize that he actually had seen her around town for the past few weeks. He’d assumed that she had been a relative of a Pelican Town resident, just here visiting. _But, with that bag of seed and her dirty clothes…_ “You’re the new farmer.” Shane said it as a statement of fact, rather than posing it as a question. Her eyes brightened at this, “Yes! Yes, I am. I just moved into my grandpa’s old place recently. I’m Brie. Sorry, I guess I should have introduced myself to you before today, but I’ve just been so busy! It’s really been a chore trying to clean up the farm _and_ actually get good at growing things, ya’know?” Shane didn’t know, actually he had no idea about that sort of thing. Growing plants has never been his _forte_ , even bamboo and cacti had been known to die at his hands. “Yeah, I’m not good at growing things myself. Listen, I gotta go to work, but just watch where you’re going and focus on the road a little more, yeah?” He had successfully side stepped her and was shuffling hurriedly towards the bridge when he heard an “Okay! Nice to meet you! Sorry again!” shout after him. Shane shuffled even faster over the bridge, and for the first time he was actually relieved to get to work.

 

\----------------

 

Brie had just seen that blue-hoodied guy scoot out of sight when she gasped. “Crap!” She crouched in the middle of the road where she had just fallen and started digging around in her bag. After a few moments, she sighed with relief. _The seeds are okay, its fine. None of them broke or got crushed. It’s fine._ She’d only been farming for a few weeks now, but she had started worrying about her plants almost as much as she used to worry about her pets. Brie had just re-packed her seeds when Pierre stuck his head out of his shop. “Hey, what are you doing on the ground? Everything Okay?”

Brie grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, yeah, I just ran into someone and then had to double check that the collision hadn’t hurt my seeds.” She opened her bag for him to see and Pierre came over and nodded. “They seem alright, but you know it would take a lot for them to be damaged enough that they’d be unusable.” Brie smiled a little as she readjusted her bag. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks Pierre.” Pierre looked back and forth around the square with curiosity. “Who’d you run into by the way?” Brie shook her head. “He didn’t say his name, but I think he lives around here. I dunno.” Brie shrugged. “Well, tell me what he looked like and I can tell you all about him. Was he blonde? Brunette? Tall? Short?” Brie had backed up a step from Pierre’s questions. “That’s okay Pierre, I actually need to go plant these and water them before I do some more work at my place.” Pierre looked a little disappointed. “Are you sure? I really don’t mind.” He said, taking a step towards her. Brie stepped back again, nervously. “Yeah, I’m okay, really. I’ll see you later!” she half shouted as she jogged away.

It wasn’t that Pierre was a bad guy or anything, Brie just got a little uncomfortable around him when he wanted to talk about the other townsfolk. He’d already told her the names of most of the town already, several times, as she purchased her goods from him. _He’s just the type that likes to talk as he works._ And since Brie had been shopping at his store a lot as she got settled, he’d talked about the people in Pelican Town a lot. Who’s friends with who, what hobbies this one person has picked up, why that other person limps on rainy days, and the like. Perhaps the most ironic thing about this has been that Pierre hasn’t realized that Brie was bad at names. He also hadn’t noticed yet that she tended to forget things people said to her if she’s focused on something else, like her farm. Brie sighed happily as she looked out over her new land. It was pretty scruffy and overgrown to begin with, but at least it was now starting to get easier to walk through it. She’d spent the first week on her farm breaking down all the rocks she could and clearing away as much wild grass and debris as possible without exhausting herself completely. There were still too many trees growing far too close to each other, and heavy hardwood stumps strewn throughout the place, but it was starting to look half-way decent.

Brie carefully tilled the ground for her new seeds, placed them in the ground and then began to water them. When she was little, she’d enjoyed helping her grandfather around the farm; watering the crops and picking them once they were ripe. It had been nice, serene, a calm escape. As she got older, she became more interested in reading her novels and anthropology books than farming, but it had remained resiliently peaceful and comforting. Brie wiped the sweat from her forehead after the watering was done and crouched down to inspect her ongoing crops. The cauliflowers looked alright, but it was still too early to tell if she needed to change up her care. The potatoes were more of a trial and error sort of plant since they were mostly underground until they reached full maturity. Her green beans, although still too tiny, seemed to be sprouting well on their trellises. By far the best crop she’d been able to raise had to be her parsnips. They had grown quickly and were a forgiving plant. Even her worst parsnip so far had been good enough to eat or sell at _Pierre’s_.

She’s been able to buy more seeds from Pierre today due to her brother. He’d sent her some money in the mail to help her out, even though he didn’t have much to give in the first place. He always worried about her and reminded her to take care of herself before her work. _He’s always been like that,_ looking out for her and helping her find her passions. He cheered her on when she succeeded and comforted her when she failed, always finding ways to make her feel better.   _I’m so lucky to have a brother like him._ She found herself smiling as she picked up her pick-axe and began breaking down more rocks on the outskirts of her property.


	2. Have a parsnip for the road!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane has trouble with the idea that someone in Pelican Town might want to talk to him.

Shane was finally done with work for the day. It had been such a slow, monotonous day. Just stocking shelves, and stocking shelves, and re-arranging displays before stocking more shelves. His boss, Morris, had been in a particularly bad mood about some corporate bullshit that meant he had to prove somehow that he treated his employees ‘like family’. Or rather, he had to give the outward appearance of caring about his employees. Shane sighed heavily as he walked through town. He wasn’t at all surprised to find himself automatically heading towards the _Stardrop Saloon_.

_Well, I could definitely use a drink._ But then, he figured, everyone living in Pelican Town could use a drink just for living in Pelican Town. He ducked into the Saloon and paused as his eyes adjusted to the dimmer lights. Gus and Emily were behind the bar, working. Gus was prepping some dishes and then placing them in the under-the-counter fridge while Emily refilled Pam’s glass. Shane and Pam had been branded as the town bar-flies, and not without reason. While he was here after almost every shift he worked, Pam was here even more than that, and she wasn’t always able to carry a conversation.

Emily smiled as she saw him walk to his usual bar stool near the fireplace. “Hey Shane! How’s it going?” Shane tried to sound pleasant, but something about how optimistic Emily always was made him sound even more agitated than he meant to. “Fine, I’ll have a beer.” He sat down as she kindly handed him a beer. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Emily, she was one of the few people in town who would openly talk to him. He figured it was because she was so eccentrically cheerful that she didn’t even realize that there was a reason to avoid Shane. _She may not even realize that everyone else in town ignores me._ He thought as she put his beer down on a napkin in front of him. Shane assumed this was either because he didn’t want to gossip with everyone incessantly or that the townsfolk had picked up on his distaste for chewing the fat about their fellow neighbors. Shane took a deep drink of his beer. Regardless of the reason, most people steered clear of him, and that’s how he preferred it anyway. It meant he wouldn’t have to have forced conversation with people who clearly disliked him. Shane had just started on his third beer and earned a worried glance from Emily, when the Saloon door opened and a figure in a green shirt with straw hat and light brown hair had walked in. _Farmer girl,_ Shane thought blithely as he turned back at his drink.

It had been 4 days since he’s literally bumped into her. He hadn’t seen her since, until now. “Oh, it’s Brie! Have you met her Shane? She’s so sweet! She gave me a daffodil the other day.” Emily grinned as she leaned against the bar. Shane took a gulp of his beer. “That’s really something,” he said, not really sure why anyone would be excited about a daffodil. He glanced at Brie to find her handing something to Gus, who beamed at her and thanked her profusely. Shane looked over at Emily again to find that she’d gone to ask Leah, the artist, something. _When did she get here?_ Shane didn’t remember seeing her come in. _I guess I’ve been too busy feeling better._ Shane chuckled a little to himself as he drank the last of his beer in one gulp and the motioned Emily for another one.

Then he looked to his left and saw the farmer girl walking towards him. _Shit._ Shane looked around the room in horror to find that the Saloon wasn’t nearly as empty as he'd thought. In fact, most of the townsfolk were here. Marnie, the Mayor, Robin, Demetrius, Sebastian, they were all here. The farmer girl was in front of him now. “Hi, sorry again for running into you the other day.” She said before she paused. “Is this seat taken?” she gestured to the stool next to Shane. Shane’s gaze flitted around the room. “Uh, no?” he barely made out. He could see Sebastian and Sam visibly muffling their laughter as they watched him. Marnie and Mayor Lewis had glanced over at them curiously.  It felt like everyone was watching their exchange.

She sat next to him and ordered some sweet tea, which Emily brought over happily. “Hey, I see you’ve met Shane!” Emily all-but announced. “Yeah, thanks,” the farmer replied as Emily placed the drink in front of her. Gus then called Emily over to help with another order. “Jeez, it sure is busy.” Emily said before bouncing off. The Farmer was drinking her iced tea calmly, before smiling over at Shane. “So, you said you weren’t hurt, but I bet you got some bruises from our collision. Are they all better now?”

Shane blinked. _Doesn’t she know where she is? What she’s doing?_ Associating with Shane would only lead to a decrease in her reputation. She was still waiting expectantly for a reply. “Aren’t you supposed to be ignoring me, like everyone else?” Shane asked bitterly before taking a drink from his beer. Farmer girl was quiet for a moment. “Well, why should I be?” she asked instead. Shane just stared at her as he held his beer. The question didn’t sound mocking, more like no one had told her yet or she just hadn’t noticed. Then he sighed heavily. _Why do I have to explain this?_ “Listen Farmer,” he sat down his beer, “look around you. There’s a huge bubble of empty space around us. No one here wants to be associated with me for a reason. I’m a bar-fly with no future that works at Joja of all places. It’s only going to make things worse for you to be seen talking to me any longer than you have already. Do you get it now?” he asked exasperated. Shane sighed again and took another drink of his beer.

She blinked as she watched him. “No, not really,” she said before taking a drink of her tea. This was such an unexpected response that Shane almost choked on his beer. “Oh, I just remembered, I wanted to give you this as an apology for the run-in and as a proper introduction-gift.” She pulled off her bag from her back and placed a parsnip on the table next to his beer. Shane looked incredulously at the gift before asking, “An ‘introduction-gift’? Is that even a thing?” She shrugged. “Well, I’m making it a thing for me, so it is now.” Shane looked back at the parsnip. He liked parsnips, especially with eggs or in stew. “…Thanks, I like this,” was all he could think to say. She seemed to glow with happiness. “Really? That’s great! I’ll have to remember that.”

She put her bag back on her back and took a long drink of her iced tea to finish it. “Well, it’s pretty late. I should probably head home for the night.” She stood up from the stool, stumbling a little but catching herself. “Gah, my legs are sore. I should probably stretch out before bed tonight,” she was talking mostly to herself now. “Anyway,” she turned back to Shane, “It was nice seeing you again Shane.” She waved to him as she headed out of the Saloon. Shane looked back at the parsnip next to his beer. Emily leaned against the bar, grinning hugely at him. “Well, isn’t she great?” Shane couldn’t think of a proper reply, so instead he emptied his glass and sighed.

 

\---------------

 

The morning light streamed into Shane’s room through a small gap in his curtains. Shane groaned as he rolled over on his side to ignore the searing sunshine. He hadn’t slept off his hang-over yet and tried to focus on going back to sleep. It was Sunday morning, which was why he was able to attempt to sleep in rather than having to shlep to work. Shane could hear a muffled conversation through his door and the kitchen, but he couldn’t really make out the words. His head was pounding and he couldn’t seem to make himself fall back asleep.

He groaned again as he rolled to his feet and took a pain killer before pulling some pajama bottoms on over his shorts. Shuffling to the door, Shane cursed as he stubbed his toe on a loose book. He muttered under his breath and half-stumbled into the kitchen. Shane had just poured himself some coffee and sat down at the table when he turned to his right to see Marnie, Alex and Brie all staring at him. Marnie looked shocked, Brie surprised, and Alex looked amused. “Shane! What are you doing? The shop opened an hour ago.”  Marnie said as she walked out from behind her counter. Alex had a carton of eggs and some wrapped up cheese sticking out of a tote bag at his feet. Next to it were two bales of hay at Brie’s feet. “Hurry and go put something on, Shane!” Marnie tried and failed to whisper.

 Shane moved as fast as he could back into his room to pull on the first thing he could find. He returned to get his coffee with his blue Joja jacket on, fully zipped up. Brie was looking down at her hay, and Alex was grinning at him. “Good morning Shane. Sleep well?” Alex asked.  Shane grimaced and shrugged as he drank his coffee. “Well,” Alex turned back to Marnie, “thanks for the food, but I should probably head back home. Abuela will be mad if these spoil before I even get home. Later Brie.” He winked at Brie before closing the door behind him. Brie looked embarrassed. _Well, of course, she’d seen you hadn’t she?_ Shane’s already sour mood had worsened far more than he’d thought it would before breakfast.

“Are you sure that’s all you need, dear?” Marnie asked Brie. “We have some breakfast leftover in the oven if you’re hungry.” She offered. The farmer glanced at Marnie and then Shane before returning to the hay at her feet. “Oh, no. I’m fine, really Marnie. I appreciate it, but you’ve already done enough for me.” She glanced over at Shane, and looked down as she said “G-good morning Shane.”  Shane’s face still hadn’t stopped burning. “Good morning…” he muttered as he turned his gaze back to his coffee. Brie turned back to face Marnie and awkwardly pulled each pale of hay under her arms. “Well, I better get going too. Thanks again Marnie, I owe you one.” Marnie scoffed, “You owe nothing of the sort, we’re neighbors! Please drop by anytime.” The farmer nodded and turned half to the door. “Um, bye Shane.” She smiled awkwardly at him. “Yeah, bye.” Was all he could force himself to say.

After she was gone, Marnie walked over to Shane. “I told you that the shop opens at 9, and you have to be dressed.” Shane took a drink of his coffee as Marnie made a plate of breakfast from the leftovers for him. “It was an accident, Marnie. You know I wouldn’t have done it on purpose. Thanks.” He added as she set the plate on the table. Marnie sighed. “I know that, but you have to be more careful Shane.” She turned to get the broom from the corner to sweep up some dust in front of her work counter. Sitting down at the table, he began to eat some of his eggs. He thought of what Brie said to Marnie. “What was she thanking you for?” he called over between bites. “Hmm?” Marnie turned back to Shane. “Oh, well, since she’s new in town I gave her the hay half off. One of her farming books said that hay can help fertilize plants, so she bought it to help her produce.” Marnie shrugged.

Shane turned back to his eggs. Why did she have to see him shirtless? And with Alex, the macho, buff athlete there with her no less. There couldn’t have been a more night and day comparison of looks. Even with his gridball jacket on, anyone could see how toned Alex was and how out of shape Shane was shirtless.

 “She’s a nice girl, don’t you think?” Marnie asked, interrupting his thoughts. She’d stopped sweeping and was now back behind the counter.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Shane said, annoyed at himself. Why did he care what the new farmer thought of him? It’d honestly be better for her to have as many reasons as possible to stay away from him.

Marnie got his attention again. “She’s been exploring those mines a little. Ya'know, the ones in the mountains?” Shane was shocked at the farmer’s tenacity and it must have shown on his face. Marnie nodded. “I know. Anyway, she found an amethyst in there and gave it to Jas.” Marnie then smiled broadly. “Jas said she’s gonna take it with her to the library to ask Gunther more about it. I haven’t seen her that excited in a while.” That got even more of Shane’s attention. “Jas likes her?” Jas had been having a difficult time getting close to anyone in town other than her teacher, Penny, and her classmate, Vincent.

 Marnie sighed, “Well, yes and no. You know how shy she is. Jas was only going on about the gift once Brie had left. I told her she should say something to Brie, but Jas was more focused on her new gem by that point.”

Marnie worried about Jas almost as much as Shane did. Shane hoped that between him and Marnie, Jas was getting a stable childhood. _But between Marnie’s work schedule, and yours, do you really think that's what she'll get?_ Not the best situation, even without Shane’s frequent Saloon visits and Marnie’s clandestine relationship with Mayor Lewis. If Jas were any other kid, Shane wouldn’t worry about her noticing that sort of thing. _But you figured it out, and Jas is much sharper than you._ She may not know what exactly Marnie’s relationship with Lewis was, but Shane was certain that Jas was aware of some special friendship between them.

Shane looked over his shoulder and around the joined rooms. “Where’s Jas today?” Marnie nodded to the front door. “She’s playing with her jump rope in the forest. I just stuck my head out to check on her before Brie and Alex came in.” Shane’s mood, which was starting to recover from his embarrassment, abruptly fell again. Shane resumed eating to distract himself.

“She’s doing fine, by the way. You don’t have to worry about her so much.”

“What?” Shane asked, concerned.

“Jas,” Marnie nodded, “Penny says she’s been opening up a lot more when they visit in the town. Jodi’s said something similar too, after she took Jas and Vincent to Zuzu city for that movie last week? You remember?” Marnie sounded concerned that Shane hadn’t actually believed her. In fact, Shane was thinking about his embarrassing run-in this morning rather than nervous about Jas. Guilt welled up inside him. He _should_ be more worried about Jas than thinking about something so trivial as his own issues. He _should_ only be concerned that Jas was doing well. Jas needs to be safe and happy, no matter what Shane feels. “I remember, I’m glad she’s doing better.” Shane said after a while.

 


	3. Real talk by the lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation by the lake gets really deep and dark.

 

Dusk was gently draping itself over Baker Farm, smooth as satin. Brie smiled broadly, despite her sweat and grime, as she looked out over her field. The cauliflower she’d harvested a few days ago were better than she expected, and sold for a good amount at Pierre’s. She kept only 2 for herself and 1 for the summer Luau, which Pierre told her was a celebration of great importance where the Governor himself would attend. _“Only the highest quality ingredients can be added to the soup we make, so keep this one until then.”_ Pierre had said to her, with a wink and a nod.

She’d heard later that Pierre was very invested in the Luau, as was Mayor Lewis, for potential favors and tax breaks towards local businesses. While Brie didn’t like the idea of bribery and favor dealing in politics, she did want the town to be happy and prosperous, so she had resolutely saved the vegetable. Her beans had been a hit around town with almost everyone, and now that they had matured Brie found that she had plenty to spare. As she thought about her crops, Brie remembered that she hadn’t gone foraging in Cindersap Forest in a few days. _Not since I stopped by Marnie’s Ranch._ Her cheeks suddenly felt too warm and she tried to distract herself with thoughts of what she’d be able to forage. _Spring onions, dandelions... wild horse radish, daffodils… I hope he’s not mad at me…._ Shane had seemed like a very private and insular person, she didn’t want him to retreat from her now. Brie wasn’t sure quite why, but she wanted to be friends with Shane. She shook her head and started across her farm for the forest. _Spring onions, dandelions, wild horse radish, daffodils. Spring onions, dandelions, wild horse radish, daffodils…_

Brie entered the forest and began to forage around the lake. She’d found 2 daffodils and 1 horse radish before the sun went down and she noticed a light on the lake’s pier. Someone was sitting on the edge of the pier, letting their feet dangle near the water. _Oh! It’s probably Leah,_ Brie thought. Leah had been known to stare out over the Cindersap Lake. She’d told Brie that she was looking for inspiration for her art pieces. Brie dropped to a knee, stored her horseradish and daffodils in her pack. _Yes! I still have the driftwood in here Leah said she liked._ Readjusting her straps, Brie put her bag back on and headed towards the pier. Once she walked halfway across the pier though it was clear that it wasn’t Leah, but Shane instead. He looked behind him as she paused, then looked back over the pier. Brie hesitated a moment, then continued down the length of the pier to sit next to him. “Do you mind?” she asked tentatively. Shane kept his eyes on then lake as he shrugged. After a short silence, Shane took a drink of his beer. “Up late huh? I figured this late you’d be hanging out with some of the other kids your age.”

Brie’s mouth gaped a little. “Kids?” she asked surprised. _Is he talking about Jas and Vincent? Why would I be with them so late?_ Shane nodded, “Yeah, the kids. Sam, Abigail, and Sebastian… Alex…” He almost muttered Alex’s name. Brie blinked, thoroughly confused. “They aren’t kids, they’re all in their early twenties.” Shane just scoffed, “You all still seem like kids to me.” Brie could feel her stomach dropping. She hated when this happened. Everyone told her she’d like it later in life, but it just sucked right now. Her voice was low, “How old do you think I am?” Shane chuckled, “I dunno, 18? 20?” Brie silently pulled her wallet from her bag and handed him her driver’s license. Shane looked at it for a few moments before he looked at her again. “You’re 27?” She extended a hand for her license back, “That’s right.” She stowed her license and wallet back in her bag. “How about you, old man?” She’d meant to say it jokingly, but it came out a little sharp.

Now Shane looked a little embarrassed, “I’m 29. I’m sorry about that.” Brie shrugged as she watched him take another drink. He noticed her looking at his beer. “Do you want one?” Brie nodded. “Sure, thanks.” Shane had 3 sealed beer cans still in their plastic six-pack attachment. He pulled them, to Brie’s surprise, from the lake. He took one off, leaving 4 empty plastic circles now. Shane opened the beer and handed her the drink. “Here, it’s still early enough in spring that the lake keeps them pretty cool.” Brie looked out over the lake again, holding her cold beer.

“Hey… Do you ever feel like… No matter what you do, you’re going to fail?” Brie looked up at him. Shane said this without any warning. He went on though, “Like you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day?” Brie’s mind went back to her childhood, hiding in her room from the screaming. She felt like she was a 14 years old again, desperate for any distraction, any chore that would take her out of the house. Brie remembered nothing she did ever being _enough_. Her mind flashed to more recent events, living in Zuzu city completely alone, barely able to make rent from a job she hated.

Shane continued, “I just feel like no matter how hard I try... I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole.” Brie nodded, looking at her beer. “Yeah… Yeah I get that…” Shane looked sadly over at her, searching her face for something. Brie looked back at him, a weak smile on her face. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned back on one hand to take a long drink of her beer. Shane gave her a small smile. “You’re a fast drinker, huh? A woman after my own heart.” He chuckled a little and took a long drink of his own beer. He sighed heavily afterwards. “Just don’t make it a habit…” He gave Brie that same small smile. “You’ve got a future ahead of you still.” Brie frowned and looked at the lake. _If you say so… I’m not so sure…_ Her crop had been doing well, but Brie still had a lot of doubts. Who actually ever decided to pick up and leave their entire life for something they had no skill in? Had no real experience in? How many happy endings were there for those people? Those were the questions that haunted Brie. Most nights she was usually able to work herself so much that there was no energy left to ask these questions. But, some nights, they seemed to whisper maliciously in her head... She’d remember a familiar voice saying, _“Why are you doing this? Did you really think you could be any good at this? You're so stubborn! You see, this is what happens when you ignore me! Why didn’t you just stick to what I told you to do?!”_

Brie dropped her beer can on the pier. The clattering sound of tin on wood seemed to wake her up from her train of thought. Shane picked it up and looked at her, concern written all over his face. “Hey, you okay? You’re crying.” Brie touched her face and chuckled morbidly. “Oh yeah, sorry. I’m still not used to all the strange pollen here.” She quickly lied. Shane looked like he’d just seen a beaten puppy. Brie swiftly stood up and pulled her bag on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry Shane, um, I think I need to go.” Her voice was cracking as she spoke. _Stop it._ “Yeah, uh, my liver’s begging me to stop too. Better call it a night.” He stood up as well, but Brie couldn’t help but notice how calm he seemed compared to her. He took a half step towards her. “Do- Uh, want me to walk you home?” Brie was concentrating on her bag as much as she could, inspecting it and its contents, and only allowing herself a glance up at Shane. “Oh no,” Her voice was still crackling. Brie coughed to align it. “I just live over there, so, its fine. Really, I’ll just see you later.” She tried to smile at Shane, but wasn’t sure if it actually happened or not. Shane still had that look on his face as she started to notice tears starting to travel down her face. _Stop it. Please._ She quickly wiped her face with her sleeve and rushed away. Brie was already halfway down the pier. “All right, well, I hope you feel better!” he called out to her, waving slightly. Brie nodded, and tried smiling again, over her shoulder as she was enveloped by the forest.

 

\----------------

 

Shane watched as she disappeared into the dark forest. _Smooth Shane. Real smooth. Hey, why didn’t you kick her while you were at it?_ Shane picked up his beers from the lake and Brie’s half empty can. He stared at the can, then downed the rest of its contents before picking up his light and leaving the pier. He couldn’t believe he’d made her cry. He hated himself. _What kind of an asshole does that?_ And to one of the few people that’s nice to him in town? but a voice in his head whispered, _Maybe it's better this way..._ Shane shuffled across the forest and back to ranch. He unlocked the door and turned off the lamp in his hand to set it on the table just inside. The house was dark except from some dim light coming from Marnie’s bedroom. Shane tried to ignore it as he made his way blindly across the kitchen to his room. The only light now was from the blue screen on his tv. The paused game was showing a question, _‘Do you wish to continue? Yes/No’_ Shane quietly moved the selection to _‘No’_.


	4. Birthday Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane's birthday rolls around and Brie suffers 'woes from crows'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter addresses Jas' parents being gone/deceased.

Two days later, it was Shane’s birthday and he was back in the Stardrop Saloon. Shane had honestly never really been too into birthdays. It was usually a day just a miserable as any other, except he usually didn’t have to work as Shane had always made a point of taking that day off. He didn’t want the spotlight thrown on him and the pressure to act happy in front of his co-workers and shitty boss. _Not to mention, there are a few other reasons too…_ Shane tried not to think about that too much and finished his beer.

Emily appeared in front of him and smiled gently as she poured him another one. “Hey Shane, I remember how you hate your birthday, but I still wanted to get you something. It’s not a big deal,” she rushed seeing Shane’s annoyed face. “I just made you a small thing. Look.” She set it on the bar next to his fresh drink. “I didn’t even wrap it or anything.” Shane inspected the item in front of him. It was what looked to Shane like patterned, squishy cloth sewn into something. “It’s a drink coozie! It keeps your drinks cold when it’s warm out.” Emily beamed with pride. “I made it myself. What do you think?” Shane could tell she personally made it from the bright patterned cloth and the expert stitching. Emily was a great seamstress, but she was also a much bigger fan of large variety of bright colors. “It’s great, Emily. You did a great job making it.” Emily smiled even broader. “And, also thanks for not making a big deal about it. I really appreciate it” Shane smiled slightly before taking another drink of his beer. Emily seemed satisfied and left to assist Gus with something. Shane focused on his beer, its color, the foam, and tried not to think about anything.

Of course, that really didn’t go too well. Marnie and Jas had made him a birthday cake that morning, chocolate cake with personal Jas-original candy decorations. Shane smiled a little at that. Jas wasn’t the most artsy kid, preferring usually to read or work on puzzles. She occasionally colored and drew, but they were rare occurrences. Shane sometimes got the feeling that she made them just to make him happy. Every drawing she'd ever given him was either on the fridge or in a scrap-book he kept. Shane wasn’t sure why, but he felt like her drawings were tangible proof that she was doing okay. That she was not just taken care of, but happy.

_How could they have died like that? Why did they have to go out that night?_   Fred and Alice were both only 26 years old when they died in a car crash. It was pouring down rain and they skidded off a cliff. Jas had been inconsolable, crying for 3 days straight, and then she boxed herself up. She didn’t want to speak to anyone, or go anywhere or do anything. The only thing she voluntarily did was school work. Shane remembering having to coax her into eating her meals for a few weeks. The only reason Shane didn’t feel bad about moving her to Pelican Town was that she was so emotionally shut down that she didn’t really have any friends. She had started to open back up to her classmates a little before they moved, but by that time the kids had already branded her a social outcast.

Emily silently refilled his empty glass, smiling secretively before walking off. Shane started on his third beer of the night and sighed heavily. As much as he found the kid annoying, Shane would forever be grateful to Vincent. Once that kid decided he wanted to be friends, it was impossible to deter him. He’s such an annoying optimist, but for some reason the kid always knew how to comfort Jas when she felt down. That’s something Shane had often tried, and failed, to do after her parents passed. _Please let her be alright. Please let her grow up happy._ Shane took a long drink and watched the foam of his beer slide back down the glass. “Hey, Shane.”

Shane looked up to see Farmer Brie standing next to him. Shane almost knocked his beer over, using the sleeve of his Joja jacket to wipe some of it up before Emily arrived with a rag in hand. Once the mess was clean and Emily had left, Shane turned back to Brie. “W-what are you doing here?” He stumbled over the words before he realized that his question may have come out rudely. She smiled, embarrassed. “Well, where else should I be?” Shane didn’t have an answer, so he just went with “I dunno…” Brie sat down in the empty bar stool next to him. “Hey, I’m sorry for what happened at the pier. I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything. I can get too emotional sometimes, ya’know? Sometimes I overthink things and build things up to be bigger than they really are.” Shane listened quietly, and silence stretched a little afterwards. Shane hadn’t expected her to ever want to talk to him again, let alone for _her_ to apologize to _him_ for that night.

She hesitated, and then, “I really am sorry, I hope we’re okay.” Shane finally found his voice. “Why are you apologizing for? You didn’t do anything wrong. If anything I should be apologizing to you for making you sad."  Shane looked back at his beer, embarrassed. "I didn’t mean to push my baggage onto you like that.” Brie put a hand on his arm. “You didn’t make me sad, I made myself sad thinking about… things.” She gave him a small smile that he half laughed, half sighed in relief, as he returned it to her.

“How are you kids doing tonight?” Gus had made his way over to the from behind the bar. Shane looked at him awkwardly as he realized that Brie’s hand was still on his arm. “We’re doing good, Gus.” Brie replied, warmly. Gus smiled as he moved a flat, wide box out from behind the bar and placed it in front of Shane. Shane frowned, “What’s this?” “Just a little gift.” Gus winked and headed back to cleaning his bar glasses. Brie seemed to realize she still had her hand on his arm and, to Shane’s dismay, she folded her hand in her lap and looked at his gift. It was a pizza sized box, so Shane wasn’t all too surprised from that and the cheesy smell coming from it, that it was in fact a pizza. He was, however, surprised to find that it had diced hot peppers on it, as well as cheese.

Shane was about to call Gus back over to ask about it when Brie spoke up. “I hope you like it.” Shane’s gaze swung over to her. “I asked around and heard you liked hot peppers and pizza. Unfortunately, since hot pepper only grow in summer, I had to get some canned ones for it.” Shane didn’t know if he’d be able to tell the difference between fresh hot peppers or canned to save his life. But, he did know that tracking down all that info and looking into everything must have taken a lot of time and effort. Brie was watching him expectantly. “Well? Is it okay?” She asked this as if afraid of the answer. “This is my favorite, I-I love it... Thanks Brie.” Shane was a little taken aback at how soft his voice was saying that. Brie’s smile and comment of “I’m glad” was reassuring though.

 

 

 

The sun shown warmly down on Pelican Town as Brie made her way to Pierre’s store. She had a whole crop of parsnips and potatoes to sell and needed to replace them with more seeds. Walking through town, she saw Penny walking towards her with Jas and Vincent following in a line. Brie stopped to talk to the group. “Hey, Penny. Hey kiddos. What’cha up to?” Jas and Vincent crowded around Penny’s skirt. “We’re going to the playground!” Vincent half shouted in excitement. “Oooh, cool. What are you guys gonna play there?” Brie asked badly. Jas was quiet when she spoke. “I… I thought I’d jump rope…” Jas was standing half behind Penny, still a little wary of her. Brie had noticed how shy Jas still seemed around her. She’d always kept an eye out for gems in the mines since learning of Jas interest in them. Brie had managed to find two more amethysts, and a topaz, and Jas seemed to genuinely like the gifts. Yet, this sweet little girl was still so nervous. Brie couldn’t help but think of how shy and nervous she had been back in the day. Jas deserved to be much happier than Brie had been.

“Well, I asked around and a little birdy told me that you two liked these. I hope they're right.” Brie said, pulling out two large daffodils. She held them out towards Vincent and Jas. Vincent enthusiastically took his. “Wow, thanks! These are cool!” Jas took hers slowly. “Y-yeah. I really like this. Thank you Miss Brie.” Brie smiled at them. “You are both very welcome. Well, I need to get to Pierre’s and you three need to get down to some serious fun.” “YEAH!” Vincent bellowed, which made Jas giggle softly. Brie nodded towards the kids and Penny. “I’ll see you guys later.” The group waved back at her as she made her way to the store. Brie noticed an advertisement on the Bulletin Board before she went in. Mayor Lewis wanted someone to slay 6 slime jellies in the mines and he was offering a bit of money for it. Brie nodded to herself. She needed the money, and she felt confident enough in her swordsmanship to take on the task. Shane’s birthday gift had set her back a bit. Between paying Gus to make the pizza and having Pierre special order some canned peppers, it took a big hit from her wallet. Brie entered the store and started unloading her produce for Pierre to evaluate and price. “You had a good crop, I see.” Brie shrugged. “I think so, it’s still a little hard for me to tell, especially with those damn crows.” Pierre glanced up at her before returning to pricing. “ _Woes from crows_?” he asked, a little laughter in his voice. Brie didn’t think it was too funny though. “Yeah, what is it with them? I’ve lost 5 crops to them since planting my last batch of seeds. It’s ridiculous!” Pierre finished pricing and smiled up at her. He didn’t seem aware that she wasn’t amused by his joke.

“Well, I can order a few farming books for you that are more in depth about scarecrows if you want, but it’ll take about two and a half weeks to get here.” Seeing the shocked look on her face, Pierre went on. “I know, I know. The mail moves a bit slower around here, although it’s mainly just packages that have that problem. Regular letters and bills arrive right on time.” Pierre shrugged as he hefted up his new inventory onto various shelves. Brie sighed. “Well, I guess I’ll do that then and just tough out the crows until then. What do I owe you for the book?” Pierre smiled and shook his head, “You can pay me for the book once it arrives, save your money.” Brie smiled slowly, “Thanks.”

“You know the flower festival is a few days away. I usually have a few Scarecrows for sale there, but they’re pretty expensive.” Brie hesitated. “How expensive is ‘pretty expensive’?” she asked slowly.  Pierre leaned on his elbow over his counter. He handed over her earnings from today’s produce. “2,000 gold each” Brie felt like someone punched her in the gut. That was almost as much as her bi-weekly pay at her old job. Brie was flabbergasted. “Why are they so expensive?” she almost demanded. Pierre shrugged. “There’s a lot to account for: my buying them from the far off stores, shipping costs, the fact that they’re specialty Scarecrows, storage costs and my margin. It’s a lot to consider.” Brie was doing quick math in her head. If she ate mostly foraged food, and sold a larger portion of her produce, and kept herself updated on the town bulletin board, she just might be able to make it.

“You know, everyone goes to the Flower Dance Festival each year. Has Mayor Lewis mentioned it to you?” Brie shook her head, her thoughts still lingering on savings and scarecrows. Pierre leaned forward across his counter. “The festival symbolizes spring’s rebirth and the reintroduction of fertility and love.” Brie, glanced at Pierre, awkwardly. “Okay. That’s… nice?” Pierre, seeming unaware of her discomfort, continued on. “Everyone in town pairs off and dances at it, in order to reaffirm friendships and relationships. It’s especially significant for the younger residents.” Pierre waggled his eyebrows, probably in what he thought was a suggestive manner, but it just looked creepy. Brie took a step towards the door. “Well, that’s nice. I should probably head out now.”

Pierre walked around the counter. “You might want to consider asking someone to dance at the festival, maybe Alex, or Emily, or Shane?” Brie froze, Pierre seemed to be looking at her for some confirmation. “You seemed to be getting close to those three lately. Are you thinking about romance, perchance?” Pierre smiled vividly. Brie leveled a serious stare at him. “Alex, Emily and Shane are my friends. I don’t feel comfortable discussing this so I’m going to leave.” Pierre kept his gross smile on as Brie turned and was finally able to leave his shop.

_What was Pierre thinking?_ Brie knew he liked to gossip, but to ask her blatantly about her love-life was just rude and inconsiderate. She had known when she moved here that mutterings and gossip was one of Pelican Town’s biggest draw backs, but still! Sword in hand, she headed to the mountains to vent her frustrations on the Mine’s jellies.

 


	5. Flower Dance Follies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Flower Dance doesn't really turn out the way Shane or Brie thought it would.

The day of the Flower Dance had arrived. Everyone in Pelican town had shown up in the Cindersap Forest dressed in their nicest spring clothes. Shane only had one nice button down and a pair of light brown slacks to rely on. Marnie had styled her hair in a decorative bun and had intricately braided Jas’ hair. They both looked nice, Marnie with her peach blouse and Jas with her light pink party dress. Shane just felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb among all the happy, smiling faces of Pelican Town’s well-dressed residents. He fidgeted uncomfortably with the buttons on his shirt as he stood by the food table. _Why am I even here? Why didn’t I just stay home?_ Because Jas had asked him to come. She wanted to show him her and Vincent’s new dance moves. Apparently, they had been practicing it for a while. Shane sighed and started to make himself a plate. This, in Shane’s opinion, was the best reason to have a festival: the food. Everyone contributed food to the table, but most of the dishes were made by Gus.

Shane saw Leah and Elliot discussing something in depth near the river's edge. Elliot was impossibly well dressed, showing no ware or tear from living on the beach. _He lives in a shack, for crying out loud! How does he always manage to look that nice when I can barely pull off a button down shirt?_ It didn’t make any sense. Shane saw Brie walk into the clearing and he quickly averted his eyes to his food. Shane hadn’t expected her to be here, but why wouldn’t she be here? Every resident of Pelican Town was welcome to attend the Flower Dance. Shane risked a glance up from his plate, and felt his stomach twist. Brie had been talking to Pierre and then to Jodi and Caroline earlier, but now she was talking to Alex. Her back was to Shane and he could see Alex motioning to her clothes, and even touched her hair. _What’s he trying to pull?_ Her hair was intricately braided with a white flower hair accessory. _  
_

Horribly, Brie didn’t slap his hand away, but laughed and shifted on her feet. Shane could feel himself getting angry. Alex had worn an outfit similar to Shane’s, a button down shirt with slacks. Alex, on the other hand, was actually fit and looked good in his nice clothes. Brie shrugged and laughed again at something else Alex said. SHane knew his anger was irrational and had no solid foundation. _Why should I care if Brie and Alex want to giggle at each other?_ “Uncle Shane!” Jas sang next to him. Shane jumped a little, and found Jas tugging on his sleeve. “Vincent and I want to show you our dance.” Shane laughed, a little breathless. “Oh, yeah, sounds good Jas.” Shane turned his entire attention to her and Vincent.

The kids stood facing each other, then started a complex series of dance moves. Their dance seemed to be a combination of different moves seen from 80s and 70s movies, with some make-shift twirls thrown in. It ended with Jas dramatically dipping Vincent towards Shane. Shane couldn’t help but grin hugely and started clapping. “That was great!” “Really?” Vincent asked and he smiled, sill in Jas’ dip. Shane nodded, “Yeah that was amazing!” Jas giggled as she pulled Vincent up. She bounded over to Shane to give him a quick hug. “Now we’re gonna go show Jodi, okay?” Shane hugged her with one arm and patted her head with the other. “Okay, kiddo, thanks for showing me your dance. You go have fun.” Jas bounded back to Vincent, “Alright, we will!” she called to him as they ran off in search of Vincent’s mom.

“How’s the food?” Brie asked. She must’ve made her way over to him while Jas and Vincent were dancing. Shane had a biting reply prepared, but fumbled it. Her braided hair, while still intricately in place, framed her face well. She was wearing a nice, pale blue blouse that made her eyes light up with a similar color. “I don’t- it’s fine.” was all he could manage. She grinned a little. “I saw Jas and Vincent’s dance. That was really something. Has she been practicing that at home?” Shane honestly wasn’t sure. It was rare that he was home at the same time as Jas, and while Jas was awake. “I don’t think so, she’d need Vincent to practice right?” Shane took a bite of his food for a distraction. “Oh, I guess you’re right.” She moved to stand next to him and just stood quietly. It was weird, but also oddly comforting to have someone keep you company without a conversation going. Brie didn’t seem uncomfortable with him, maybe a little nervous about the dance though. She kept glancing anxiously at the townsfolk that walked around them. When there was a nice distance between them and the rest of the town, she seemed to relax and focus on the landscape. Shane had seen her when she talked about her plants and her produce. Her eyes would shine with excitement and she’d go into great detail about how her plants grew and which ones were tricky to raise. Brie had a similar look in her eye as she passively observed the deep-green clearing and the lazy clouds rolling across the light blue sky. It was like she was letting the beauty and complexities of nature wash over her. She noticed him watching her. “What? Do you I have something in my hair again?” Shane blushed and looked away. “No, you look fine.” After a pause, he added “Again?” She blushed, a little embarrassed. “Alex noticed I had a leaf in my hair, I was hoping it was just the one though.”

Brie smiled and shuffled a little. “You look really good, I like that shirt.” Shane felt happiness, then embarrassment, followed by bitterness. “I noticed you talking to Alex earlier.” She continued to smile. “Yeah, he was telling me about the work-out regimen he had for spring.” She shook her head, as if she thought Alex was silly or funny. Shane’s stomach was twisting. Alex was grinning as he watched Haley’s dance moves. “Hey, Shane, I heard that there’s a lot of informal dancing at this festival, but I also heard about the formal one. Would you, maybe, want to dance with me in the formal dance?” Shane felt his entire body tense with anticipation and adrenaline. He suddenly realized he wanted to. He wanted to dance with her, and welcome spring with her on his arm.

_Did she already ask Alex?_ A bitter voice asked in his head. _Did she get shot down from asking him so now she’s asking you?_ She was certainly friendly with Alex, she had been almost as soon as she'd met him. Shane frowned at his food. “No, sorry, I don’t really want to do the formal dance thing.” He could see the hurt and gloom on her. “Oh, okay…” was all she said. Shane thought she looked close to tears, or maybe it was his imagination trying to tick him. _Why would she cry over this? Over you? Are you really that conceited?_ Shane didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say.

He set his plate down on the table behind them and shuffled back to her. “Hey, I- I’m gonna go home. I really only came to this thing because Jas wanted me to see her dance.” Brie looked surprised at this, but nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay.” Was Shane imagining the shakiness in her voice? “I’ll see you around though, alright?” Shane wasn’t sure why this was supposed to sound reassuring. Of course they’d see each other around this tiny town. She nodded her head though. “Sure, that sounds good.” She tried to smile at him, but it looked pained. _Conceited…_ Shane nodded and left the dance as quickly as he could without drawing attention to himself. Once home, Shane closed himself up in his room sighed heavily. His face was still hot from embarrassment and his mind kept racing with the day’s events. He needed to distract himself, he needed a drink.

 

 -------------------

 

Brie watched Shane practically run away from her, and leave the clearing entirely. She bit her lip and forced herself not to cry, not here, in front of everyone. But it was all she felt like doing, that and curling up into a ball on the ground. Instead she sat down at one of the empty festival tables. They had been set up for people to eat at, but almost everyone was still socializing. Emily sat down next to her. “Why did Shane leave so early?” she asked, concerned. Brie was staring at the table's centerpiece, into nothingness. “I don’t know. I asked him to dance with me, he said no and then he left.” Brie didn’t have to look at Emily's face to feel shock in her words. “He what? Right after you asked him?” Brie nodded and leaned forward on her folded arms.

She was about to ask Emily not to say anything to anyone, but Emily wasn’t that type of person. And anyway, even if she was, everyone was here to witness the scene. Brie sighed and laid her chin on her arms. Trying to distract herself, she tilted her head to look at Emily. “So, are you going to dance the formal dance?” Emily shrugged. “I normally do, but its not a big deal. I really like to dance, but formal dances are a bit too structured ya’know?” Brie could feel a small smile creeping up on her face. Alex set down three pieces of cobbler on the table and sat next to Emily. “Hey, everything okay Brie? I saw Shane leave, are you alright?” Brie felt her smile sour from amusement back to depression. “No, not really.” Alex nodded silently gave Emily a slice and set one near Brie as well. Brie knew she sounded pathetic and whiney. _Why would Shane want to dance with you? Especially after the whole Lake incident._

She still felt horrible about it. There they were, Shane was finally starting to open up to her, to confide in her, and then she spoils it. _Just like I spoil everything… why am I like this? Why can’t I do anything right?_ “I should just leave too, I’m bringing everyone down.” Brie hated herself when she got like this and saw no reason to inflict herself on everyone else. Emily put her hand on Brie’s shoulder and looked right at her. “Brie, do you want to stay?” Brie shook her head. “I don’t want to ruin this for everyone.” Emily shook her head. “That’s not an answer, do you _want_ to stay?” Brie hesitated. “Yeah, kinda.” Emily pressed on. “Do you _want_ to dance?” Brie felt her insides twist and tears welling up. “Not the formal dance, but yeah.” Emily nodded. “Then stay, and dance with us. After everyone’s done doing the robot, you and I can dance together.”  Brie smiled a little. She' _s too nice to me._ “Thanks Emily.” Alex reached out to put his hand on hers. “I’m gonna be doing the robot first, but I wanna dance with you afterwards, if that’s okay.” Brie chuckled. “Yeah, that’s okay, thanks Alex.” Alex and Emily both smiled warmly at her. _They’re both so kind._

Alex started rubbing her hand. “Hey, come on, don’t cry. Everything’s better now right? It’s gonna be okay.” Brie smiled through the occasional tears rolling down her face. “Yeah, everything’s gonna be okay. Thanks you guys.”

 

\----------------


	6. Is there a Problem?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brie gets closer to Alex and Emily, Shane and Brie have an extremely blunt conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get intense and Shane starts to feel suicidal

It had been a chore carrying her new scarecrow home after the dance. The festival had lasted most of the day, and Brie’s legs had been horribly angry at her for their sustained use, but it was worth it. Pierre had been right, the crows had left her crop alone ever since she stationed it at the head of her produce. Brie made sure to give one of her best parsnips to Pierre for his birthday as a ‘thank you’ for the tip about the scarecrow. Emily’s birthday was the day after, so Brie also made sure to go to the mines in search of an amethyst. Emily had loved it. The only reason she learned that Emily liked Amethysts is because the town blacksmith, Clint, had mentioned it to her after she’d collected some copper ores for him.

Brie got the sense that Clint had a crush on Emily and he wanted her to have her favorite gift on her birthday, even if it wasn’t from him. _Athough, maybe I’m giving him too much credit._ Brie wasn’t sure if she thought Emily would be happy with Clint, but she knew Clint would never know unless he took the first step. Emily never really talked about crushes with Brie, she was more interested in her friends and her hobbies than anything else. Since the flower dance, Brie had spent a lot of time at Emily’s place with her and Alex. They were both such kind people. The three of them decided to start having a movie night every other Wednesday. Every other day of the week Emily worked 6 and ½ hour shifts at the Saloon, and Alex and Brie's schedules were the pinnacle of flexibility.

By that time, summer had started. It wasn’t quite as hot as summers in the city, what with all the vegetation and large lack of asphalt. Brie found that she had to start small with her summer crops and get more into DIY to save money for seeds. Thankfully, the farming book Pierre had ordered arrived and it had all sorts of farming tips, tricks and DIY recipes. And, fortunately, even though buying her seeds had cost almost every gold piece she had left, Pierre gave her the book on the promise that he’d have his pick of one of her melons after they’d ripened. _Now I know why watermelon is always so expensive at the store,_ she thought one morning. Melons took half the season to grow, but they were in such demand that they sold for 3 times their seed price (which was a lot to pay per seed already).

Brie tried not to draw Pierre’s gossiping spidey-senses as she bought about 20 hot pepper seeds. He raised an eyebrow, but this time he didn’t pester her about his theories on her love life. Half the town, sans Shane, had noticed her crying and Alex and Emily comforting her. And Brie was sure that the other half that hadn’t actually seen her cry had noticed her red eyes and depressed manner. _And by now, Shane must have heard about it from someone._ The thought embarrassed her beyond belief. Why couldn’t she have just waited to get upset until she was back on her farm?

After the day of the dance, people seemed to be extra careful around her, as if them saying the wrong thing would cause her to burst into tears at any given moment. Brie knew it came from a place of kindness and concern, but it still infuriated her to no end. Part of her wanted to shout at all of them and tell them off for it. _But, that wouldn’t help the situation. Either they’d be mad at me for not appreciating their concern, or I’d be marked as a raving mad lunatic that would cry_ and _shout at them at the drop of a hat._ The only people in town that didn’t treat her like this were Emily and Alex. The didn't bring up Shane, but they gave her earnest responses when she mentioned him or her feelings about him.

Brie had made a point of spending as much time with them as she could. When Emily was working, Brie often ended up at Alex’s place. They’d usually talk as she watched him work out, and she occasionally spotted him. If Brie ever didn’t feel like talking, she’d pull out her new farming book and study it while Alex did complex stretches and exercises. Alex had some up-beat music that he played quietly anyway and he didn't seem to mind the lack of conversation. They could comfortably spend hours at a time discussing everything and then nothing. “I don’t know how you can read so much,” Alex commented one afternoon. Brie didn't even look up from her farming book; they’d talked about this a few times already. “I don’t know how you can work out so much,” she replied as usual. Alex laughed. “Don’t start that, you work out all the time on your farm or in the mines.” Brie pulled out her highlighter and made a note on a page about canning. “Yes, but that’s not exercise for the sake of exercise. Exercise is just a by-product of me meeting my goal of mining so many ores, or producing so many vegetables.”

“Well, exercise is the means by which I’ll achieve my goal of becoming a professional gridball player. It seems like the same thing to me.” Brie put her highlighter down and turned the page in her book. “The timelines for attaining the goals are different.” “Yeah, but-" Alex was cut off by Evelyn knocking on his door and leaning inside his room. “Brie dear, are you staying for dinner?” Brie closed her book and packed it in her bag. “No, thank you granny, I should probably head out. I’ve got some errands to run before heading home.” Evelyn frowned, concerned. “It’s after 5pm. You shouldn’t run errand so late at night, dear. It’s not good for your health to do chores so close to bedtime.” Brie slung he bag on her shoulder. “It’s nothing too major or time consuming, I promise.” Granny nodded, “Alright dear, just take care of yourself.” Brie nodded and said, “I will”, before Evelyn closed the door.

“So, you’ve got _errands_ , huh?” Alex teased as he dried himself with a gym towel. Brie stuck her chin out. “Yes, I do as a matter of fact. I still want to comb the beach before it gets dark.” Alex sat down on the seat of his bench press. His expression changed from friendly teasing to something more serious. “So, your errands have nothing to do with your recent crop of hot peppers in your bag?” Brie opened her mouth, then closed it again and a silence stretched over the room. He shrugged, “I saw them in your bag when you came in.” Alex held her gaze another moment, then sighed heavily. “Look, it’s your decision what you do. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Brie fidgeted where she stood. “I know, and I appreciate that, but… I dunno…” Alex nodded, understandingly. “Just take care of yourself, yeah?” It was odd hearing Evelyn’s advice coming from Alex. “I appreciate your concern,” was all she could bring herself to say. For some reason she couldn’t promise to Alex what she had just promised to Evelyn.

 

\-------------------

 

Brie combed the beach, just like she said she would. She found some good quality coral and some mussels as well as a dried starfish. She stored them safely in her bag and looked out over the ocean. She wondered if she could get Haley to take some pictures of it and her in front of it to send to her brother. He’d always loved the ocean, and had moved to a house within walking distance of it as soon as he was able. It might make him feel better, seeing her near the ocean. For some reason, Brie thought it might make him feel like she was closer to him.

Brie found herself completely still and absorbed in the sight as the sun set slowly over the horizon. She needed to get to the Saloon before it got too dark, but she couldn’t bring her feet to move. Sighing, the sun finished setting and she finally convinced herself to move off the beach and head into town. It was close to 9pm now, and most of the townsfolk were in their homes, headed towards their homes or in the Saloon. Brie could feel her heart hammering in her chest as she walked through the tavern doors. The Stardrop Saloon was playing one of its merry juke-box tunes, with very few patrons sitting around various tables. Shane was sitting at his usual bar stool, drinking a beer. Brie’s legs felt like they were made of lead as she made her way over to the seat next to him. Shane glanced in her direction, then looked back into his beer glass. “What are you doing here, Brie?” He sounded upset. She could feel concern lining her face. “I wanted to see you, to spend some time with you.”

Shane shook his head slightly, still looking into his beer. “There are plenty of guys better’n me that you could talk to.” Brie thought about that for a moment. She wanted to tell him that she thought he was a good guy to talk to, but she knew how she’d react to that if someone said it to her. “But, I want to talk to you.” This did make Shane look back at her. He seemed at a loss for words and his face was red. For a moment, Brie thought he was blushing. _He’s just been drinking. Why would he like you?_ Brie pulled on her bag. “I brought you something, sorry it took so long. Here.” She handed him a little burlap pouch with the word ‘Peppers’ thinly stitched on it in red thread. One of the first things her new farming book taught her was how to make her own burlap sacks for short term and long term storage. She’d known how to stitch words into cloth for a while though. That and sewing were two of the few home-ec skills she'd actually had before she moved to Pelican Town. Shane was staring down at the little bag and, as if to make sure he was reading the word correctly, he glanced inside it. His gaze turned back to her as she waited expectantly. _He did like hot peppers right? Or was it bell peppers? Shit, did I grow him the wrong kind of pepper?_

Instead, Shane said, “I love this, thanks.” Brie sighed in relief. “Oh, good. I’m glad… Hey, what other foods do you like Shane?” Shane stared at her. “Why are you doing this?” Brie shrugged. “Well, as much as anyone likes a food, it does get boring after a while.” Shane set down his bag, and faced her properly on his stool. “No, why are you talking to me? Giving me gifts? Trying to be my friend?” Brie felt like a brick had dropped in her stomach. “D- do you not want to be friends?” She could barely make herself ask the question and it hung in the air between them, like a poisonous mist.

Shane sighed heavily after a moment. “I just don’t get you. You could be friends with anyone else. I don’t even know why you moved here. I moved here because it was what was best for Jas, but you? You _chose_ to move to this one-horse, backwoods little town. Why? What could you possibly have to gain from this place? What were you thinking?” Brie was quiet for few moments before looking Shane square in the eye. “I hated where I was before, Shane. I was miserable. Cleaning out my closet one day, I found a letter from my granddad offering me his farm. Offering me a chance at a better life.” Brie gazed at the wood grain of the bar and leaned forward on her now folded arms. “A life that I might not hate as much as the one I had before. I decided to take a chance and make a change.” She looked at Shane again. “Are you mad at me for that?”

Shane and Brie watched each other in silence. It only broke when Emily quietly set down an ice tea in front of her. She hadn’t ordered it, but she nodded at Emily, who nodded back and walked away without a word. Brie turned back to Shane who almost looked ashamed as he stared into his beer. “It's just- you could have done anything, gone anywhere...” he said quietly. Brie put some gold down for her drink, she wasn’t about to make Emily eat into her tips. “And I chose to be here. If you don’t want me to talk to you anymore just send me a letter if you can’t say the words. I’ll steer clear of you if that’s what you want.” And then she got up and walked out of the Saloon.

 

 --------------

 

Shane watched her leave the Saloon. He’d never heard her speak so boldly. Shane emptied what was left of his beer and motioned Emily over for another. She made her way over to stand next to him, but she didn’t have the beer pitcher in her hand. Shane frowned. “What gives, Emily?” She frowned at him and motioned to his bag of peppers. “All she did was give you a gift, and you bite her head off?” Shane frowned, “It’s none of your business.” Emily glared at him. “It’s absolutely my business! You’re both my friends and I care about the two of you. Why are you treating her like this?” Shane didn’t answer. He didn’t want to be having this conversation. The Saloon wasn’t busy at all, the only other patrons were Pam and Leah, both of whom were out of earshot. He just didn’t want to talk about this at all. “It’s complicated,” was all that he could think to say.

Emily placed her hands on her hips. “It doesn’t seem all that complicated to me. You like her and she likes you, what’s the big deal?” Shane could feel anger and hatred pouring into his thoughts and words. “The big deal? The big deal is being around me isn’t a good thing, Emily. I’m not a blessing, I’m a curse and it’s not something I’d wish on her. She deserves better and I don’t want to ruin her life.” This was why he didn’t want to talk about this. He always knew in his heart of hearts this truth, and now that he said it, it couldn’t be ignored. He hated himself, he cursed every stranger that happened to pass him by. Nothing good came from anyone associating with him. Fred and Alice were dead. Marnie was out two rooms and constantly worried about her bills. Jas could barely talk people. They had so much pain because of him. _Everyone would be better off without you. Their lives would only get better if you were gone._ Shane put some money on the table and stalked past Emily. “Where are you going? Hey!” He ignored her and and stormed out of the Saloon.


	7. Are you okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brie and Shane both need some reassurance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****suicide mention by Shane

Brie couldn’t believe what she’d said. _‘If you don’t want me to talk to you anymore just send me a letter if you can’t say the words. I’ll steer clear of you if that’s what you want.’_ She didn’t want that. She didn’t want Shane to leave her life. Ever since that day they sat on the lake, she felt connected to him, like he might understand her pain, her self-hatred and her frustration at herself. _Maybe he was just being nice talking to me, and he never meant for us to be more than acquaintances._ She couldn’t think of what else it could be, why else he would act this way and say those things. She kept hearing his words in her head, over and over… _‘Why are you talking to me? Giving me gifts? Trying to be my friend?’_

 _I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to irritate you, or bother you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._ Thankfully, this time she actually made it back to her farm before she started crying. She hadn’t had dinner yet, but she didn’t think she could stomach any food anyway. Brie slowly took off her boots and let her bag fall off her shoulder. Still fully clothed, she crawled onto her rickety bed and wrapped herself in her old quilt. _I’m sorry..._

The next morning arrived all too soon. It was light out, but Brie didn’t want to leave the solace of her bed. _I have to water my crops. I have to earn a living. I have to get up._ It took a few cycles of repeating this mantra before the meaning of the words actually made contact with her. Finally, resolutely, she pulled herself up and put her work boots back on. _I have to keep moving. I can’t stop. I have to keep going._

Brie faced the day begrudgingly, but at least she didn’t let it beat her. She worked all day long under the hot sun on her farm. She couldn’t bring herself to face anyone in town or even to quietly check the town bulletin board for odd jobs. Instead, she watered her crops and chopped down over grown trees. Once she felt satisfied with that, she pulled out her farming book and started crafting stone pathways and preserves barrels.

It was about 3 in the afternoon when Alex stopped by her farm. Brie was sitting on one of her porch chairs and had just finished her fifth preserves barrel when she saw Alex walking up her road. “Wow, your place is looking great!” He greeted her, smiling broadly. “I came by once or twice before you moved in,” he continued, casually resting his hands in the pockets of his sleeveless sweatshirt. “Mayor Lewis and Robin needed help lifting the some of the heavier debris to make a pathway to the house.” Now, Alex was standing next to her as he surveyed her farm. Brie sighed and inspected her last preserves jar. “Thank you, I didn’t know that. I’ll have to give Robin and Lewis a proper thank you gift.” She motioned out to her summer crops. “Want a radish or an ear of corn while you’re here? I just picked some of each today.” Alex’s face grew serious and concern lined his eyes. “I talked to Emily today, she wanted me to check in on you.”

Brie frowned and started hauling her last preserves jar off the porch. Alex moved beside her and helped her carry it to sit in line with the others, beside her house. “Are you alright Brie?” She couldn’t look him in the eye, so she inspected her preserves barrel once more. “I’m fine, I just had a lot of projects to do today.” She moved past him and around her house to dig through her box of vegetables. Someone mentioned that Harvey, the local doctor, liked pickles. Maybe she could convince him to trade pickles for energy drinks. Alex kept a short distance between them as he followed her. He stood there silently as she picked out her best radishes to pickle. “I’m proud of you.” That made her look up at Alex to find him smiling at her.

Brie scoffed and made to walk past him with her radishes “Alex, I got into a bar fight. It’s not exactly my shining moment.” He gently grabbed her arm before she could walk past him. “No, see, it was though. It was your shining moment.” Brie looked at him quizzically. “What-“ “You stood up for yourself. You called him on his bullshit and put him in line. You made it clear that what he was doing wasn’t okay and you drew a line in the sand, Brie. I’m proud of you.” He moved his hand to her shoulder during this, and Brie could feel the tears welling up inside her. “Hey, you did great. Emily and I are both so proud of you.”

Brie choked back a sob. “But, I don’t want him to stop talking to me. I don’t want him to avoid me. What if that actually happens?” She couldn’t stop her silent tears from falling. “What if he never wants to see me again?” Brie loved Emily and Alex, but she had felt so deeply connected to Shane. She didn’t want him to leave her life. Alex gently moved her chin up so that she was looking in his eyes. “Then he doesn’t deserve you, Brie.” Brie couldn't hold back her sobs anymore and she dropped her radishes on the ground. Her arms felt like limp noodles and Alex quietly wrapped his own arms around her and let her cry it out. The whole time his movements were cautious, concerned, and he gave her plenty of room to back away if she needed.

Alex reminded her so much of her brother, his comforting presence and unabashed kindness. He and her brother couldn’t have had more different hobbies or goals in life, but they both had the same caring look in their eyes. It was like their sweetness was the same shade of warm, comforting gold. Brie didn’t know how long they stood there like that. Finally, once she felt all cried out, she pulled away from Alex. “I need to get my radishes off the ground and wash them again.” Alex chucked and helped her pick them up. He ended up spending the day with her on her farm. She told him all about her crops, and showed him the places on her farm that she wanted to clear away or section off. “I’m thinking of getting a barn for cows and a coop for chickens. Robin and I were talking about it a while back. I could fence off this section here and they’d have a huge space to run around.”

Alex didn’t say what they were both thinking. Brie would have to get her farm animals from Marnie, which meant occasionally bumping into Shane. Marnie’s Ranch was the only place in town to get farm animals, so it couldn’t be helped. “Maybe you should have Robin fix up your house first.” Alex and she glanced back at her shack of a house. “You do have a kitchen in there right?” Brie shrugged. “I have a hot plate, a microwave and a mini fridge. The hot plate I found at a garage sale before leaving Zuzu city. The microwave and mini fridge my brother mailed to me, they’re from his college days.” “Yeah, I definitely think you should upgrade your house before getting another building here.” Brie smiled at him, “Ah! But the chickens and cow will help bring in added revenue that I can later use to upgrade my house.” Alex laughed at that. “Well, whatever, as long as you upgrade your house soon.” Brie sighed, “Yeah, now that you mention it, I think my single apartment in the city was bigger than this.” Alex left around 6:30pm to head home for dinner. Brie promised that she’d let him know if she needed anything and decided to fish for the rest of the day. Brie had never really liked fishing, but she was getting really good at it and it always brought in a lot of cash. _I can do this. I can do this._

 

\--------------

 

A few days later, Brie was heading back to Marnie’s Ranch. She’d already watered her crops, and cut down some wild grass that had persistently continued to sprout. When she couldn’t think of anything else to do on her farm, she started making her way south. The summer heat was getting stronger with every day, and Brie was thankful that she’d remembered to buy a straw hat before moving to the valley. She was sure that she would have gotten heat stroke several times by now without it.  She opened the door to the Ranch’s reception room, and saw Marnie smiling at her behind the counter. “Good afternoon, Brie!” Brie self-consciously smiled. “Hey Marnie, how’ve you been? How’s Jas?” Marnie picked up some receipts she had splayed on her counter and began to stash them in a small bin. “Oh, I can’t complain. The animals are all in good health, and Jas has been playing in her room most of the day.” Brie was confused. “Where’s Vincent?” Marnie sighed. “Home, sick with a cold. I would send Jas outside to play, but it’s so hot today that I worry about her in that sun.” Marnie sighed again, “Well, what can I do for you Brie?”

Brie pulled open her wallet out of her bag. “I’m considering having Robin build me a coop on my farm, and I was wondering how much one of your chickens were?” Marnie pulled out a ledger from under her counter. “Well, we don’t sell our full-grown chickens, they already have a strong relationship with us, and so even if we did sell them to you it wouldn’t do you much good. Chickens tend to lay eggs when they’re happy and around someone they trust. Now, we can incubate one of their eggs for you and get you a chick for 800 gold. It’ll take a little bit for the chick to grow, but it’ll bond to you and produce the most eggs, as long as it’s happy.” Brie grinned. 800 gold wasn’t bad at all, waiting for the chicks to grow would be annoying, but worth it. “Alright, do I need to pay you in advance?” Marnie shook her head. “I can’t sell them to you until you have your coop built. They need to be in your care the day they hatch for them to bond to you properly.” Brie nodded, “then I’ll tell Robin to start building as soon as possible.”

Suddenly, there was a crash in one of the back bedrooms that made Brie and Marnie both jump. Marnie, got out from behind the counter and made her way towards Shane’s room, leaving Brie in the reception area. Jas poked her head from around the corner of the side living room. “Ms. Brie, what was that?” Brie shook her head, “I don’t know Jas. Something must have fallen and broken. Don’t worry though, Marnie and I will clean it up. Why don’t you go back to your room and play some more?” Jas still looked anxious, but she nodded and disappeared behind the wall. Brie could feel her nerves jangling in her chest. She hadn’t heard from Shane since their argument in the Saloon. He never sent her a letter asking her to leave him alone, in fact she hadn’t received any word from him at all since that day.

Brie stood behind Marnie at the entrance of Shane’s bedroom. “Shane! Oh Yoba!” Marnie shouted. She ran over to him where he lay sprawled out on the floor. Brie kneeled down next to her. “Marnie, he’s out cold, did he hit his head?” Marnie looked around Shane’s room and spotted the same thing Brie did, five empty cans of beer. The sixth wasn’t in the empty six pack, but it must have rolled out of sight when he fell. Marnie was lightly slapping Shane’s cheek to try to wake him. “Brie, he won’t wake up. Can you do something?” Brie pulled her bag open and pulled out a bottle of water. She’d been keeping a full bottle on her at times since she started farming, just in case she got too dehydrated. Brie unscrewed the cap and poured its contents on Shane’s face. He bolted upright, gasping and shouting as he looked wildly at Marnie and Brie next to him. “What’dya do that for?!” Shane slurred as he tried to stand on his swaying legs. Marnie stood up and held her hands out cautiously towards him. Brie followed suit, not sure what else she should do. Marnie’s previous concern morphed into anger. “Shane, what are you doing? How much have you had to drink?” Shane scoffed, “Wha does it madder? I’m fine.” Shane then started looking around, Brie assumed, for his missing sixth beer. “You are not fine! We almost couldn’t wake you up! Shane!” Hearing his name again pulled his attention back to Marnie. “Shane, what are you doing? Recently, all you seem to want to do is drink. You can’t go on like this.” Shane looked at Marnie, then to Brie. “Can if I wanna...” Marnie shook her head. “Shane, I think you need to start thinking about your future, set some goals and make a plan.” Shane barked a sarcastic laugh. “Plan? Hopefully, I wot be around long enough tuh need a ‘plan’.”

Brie could feel her stomach twisting painfully throughout this whole conversation, then she felt it free fall. _No, he can’t mean that. No, no, no, no, no, no._ A loud sob from Shane’s doorway got all of their attention. Jas, trembling with tears, was standing in his doorway. She’d heard what Shane had said. Seeing her torn, hurt expression seemed to sober him up for a moment. “Jas” was all he could say before she ran away crying.

Marnie went after her and Brie stayed where she was, afraid to leave Shane’s side. After what he just said, she was afraid to leave him alone. Shane swore loudly and kicked his bed in irritation before collapsing on the ground. Brie knelt down next to him. She reached out and put a hand on his back, he stiffened and turned to her. “Is this what you want?” he motioned to himself, glaring at the floor. Brie could feel her heart breaking. What could she say that would help? What would have comforted her in his shoes?

“Shane, I’m not sure what to say. I just hate that you’re hurting like this.” Shane scoffed, then got a dazed look on his face. Brie had just enough time to scramble over to his trash can and back before he got sick.


	8. Apologies and Celebrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane visits Brie's farm for the first time with a gift and a confession. Emily and Brie plan something for Alex.

Shane stood at the entrance to Baker Farm. He didn’t want to be here, but Marnie had made a peach cobbler for Brie and insisted that he bring it over to her. He knew that part of this was that she wanted him to apologize to her. After Marnie confronted him about his plans for the future, she asked around and heard about what had happened between the two of them at the Saloon. She wouldn’t tell him to apologize, but she’d been trying to get him to speak with the farmer all week. Marnie had never told Shane what he had to do, but she’d always make sure he knew what she thought.

Shane rolled his eyes to himself and walked north up the path. He had never been to Brie’s farm before, but when she moved in he’d heard from a few people how over grown, chaotic and half hazard the entire place had become. That wasn’t the case now. There was a cobble stone pathway though her land that led to her crops and her house. The trees weren’t planted neatly, but they weren’t as overgrown as he’d heard they were before. He did see some large logs, stumps, and boulders around, but other than that, it looked very tranquil. Shane paused to gaze at the small pond on her property. It had some fish in it, and reflected the summer colors so well that it seemed to emanate peace. Shane ducked his head and continued on to her house, although ‘house’ was a generous term. It seemed like this building was still in just as bad condition as he’d originally heard. Only one window wasn’t boarded up, and the wood on the front door looked old and close to growing mushrooms. Half of the roof’s shingles were missing or damaged.

Shane walked up the porch of her house, each step creaked and croaked under his feet, and knocked on the door. _Might as well get this over with._ Brie opened the door and looked taken aback. “Shane, what are you doing here?” Shane was distracted for a second before he could make himself answer her. Her hair was wet and her clothes seemed fresh and clean. _She must’ve just had a shower._ Shane attempted to pretend he hadn’t noticed. “Marnie wanted me to bring this over.” He handed her the dish. “Oh, thanks. Do you, uh, wanna to come in?” Shane hesitated a moment then shrugged, in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner.

Her place was tiny and cramped. There were only two rooms, the tiny bathroom and the living room/bedroom /dining room. On one side of the room she had a small table with two chairs, as well as a bed and a night stand.The room was small enough that anyone running into the room would immediately trip over the table and chairs. The other side of the room had a counter with cabinets underneath. Shane spotted a hot plate and a tiny microwave on said counter, as well as a mini fridge against the western wall of the room. He turned to her, “How do you eat without a kitchen?” She pointed to the corner where her mini fridge, microwave and a hot plate were set up. “I can get by with those. I know, it’s not much but they work at least.” Shane couldn’t see how. _Maybe I can get some food from work to send her._

“So, I saw you made a lot of improvements to your farm.” Shane had meant that to sound congratulatory, but he realized after he said it that it might've come off condescending. Brie was making room in her mini fridge for the cobbler, so he couldn’t really gauge her face. “Oh, yeah,” she was still organizing her food as she answered. “Yeah, I expanded my produce field and I finally started to organize my land with pathways.” She grunted in frustration as she tried to make something fit in her fridge. Shane saw her pull out a large cauliflower and set it on the counter. “Oh, and I also just paid Robin to start building a coop for me. She said she’d start on it tomorrow since the Luau is today.” Shane had completely forgotten about the Luau. Brie finally was able to fit everything into her fridge, except for the cauliflower, which she left on the counter. “Do you want to see the space? I bet living on the ranch you know a lot about taking care of farm animals.” Shane put his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “Sure, alright”.

They made their way out of her house and onto the farm. Shane couldn’t believe how normal their conversation felt. Brie had seen him at his absolute worst: drunk, angry, and sick. She’d given him water and stayed with him until he’d finished being sick. She’d even helped him get to his bed to sleep it off. _How can she look at me with anything other than disgust? After that and our fight?_ Brie led him to a roped off section of land next to her old, broken-down greenhouse. “I finally finished reading the farming book that Pierre sold me, and had him order me the next one. It’s supposed to have a long chapter on how to build all these different types of fences.” She motioned to the expanse of land in front of her roped off property. “I’ll have to clear out these trees, but I want to fence off some space for them to be outside and play when the weather’s nice.”

Shane nodded in agreement. “They’ll like that. You also may want to think about having Robin building you a barn as well. Chickens are my favorite animal, but cows are a close second. They’re really sweet animals.” Brie nodded, “Yeah, that’s gonna be my next project. Oh, shoot! I still need to water my plants.” She moved past him to her chore, and having nothing better to do, Shane followed. Normally he’d need to head off to work right now, but Joja Mart closed on festival days. Not out of any kindness towards its workers, actually Shane had heard about how Morris had persistently petitioned corporate to keep them open on festival days. At one point, corporate did a study of their business on normal days versus business on festival days and decided it wasn’t profitable enough to open on those days.

Brie had quietly watered half her field of crops when Shane decided to bring up the elephant in the room. He scratched the back of his head, feeling completely out of his depth here. “Don’t you hate me?” It was a blunt question, and rudely asked, but Brie still paused in her watering and answered him.  She looked at him blankly, “Do you want me to hate you?” Shane put his hands back in the pockets of his shorts and looked away while Brie returned to her plants. The summer insects chirped rhythmically in the background and neither of them spoke for a few minutes as she continued watering.

“I’m sorry,” Shane finally let out. He only realized afterwards that it had been building in him since he stepped on her farm. _That’s probably why Marnie insisted on me delivering the cobbler._ “I just, I thought it would be better for everyone.” Brie finished watering her plants and walked over to one of her storage chests. “How so?” she asked, her eyes on her tools. Shane followed, hands still in his pockets and his eyes low. “You saw me, that’s how I always am. I didn’t- I thought it’d be better if you knew about me.” Brie put her farming tools in her storage chest before turning to listen to him. “I’m always such a mess and I only make things worse for everyone,” he continued. Brie faced him and frowned. After a moment, she responded, “That’s not true and you know it.”

Shane looked up at her, surprised. “What?” Brie shook her head, “Marnie has told me about how you help out around her Ranch, and how you moved here to provide for Jas. Jodi told me that you check in with her to make sure Jas is okay. I know you don’t like it here, but you did it for her, am I right?” Shane shrugged. “That’s what anyone would do.” Brie looked at him sternly. “No, it’s not. You’d be surprised how unusual that sort of thing is. Most people wouldn’t up-end their entire lives for their god-daughter, they’d pass the kid off to someone else or force her to acclimate to _their_ lives. You keep trying to convince me of how bad you are when being kind comes so naturally to you.”

Shane felt his chest tightening. “I just- I still have a lot going on, and I don’t want you to have to worry with that. You’d be a lot happier around almost everyone else in town.”

She stared at him and sighed, “Isn’t who I care about my decision?” Shane opened his mouth to respond, but Brie continued on. “I know that you’re going through some things and your emotions are valid, but Shane there are also 7 billion people on Earth. You’re not nearly as alone as you think.”

Now Shane was angry. “Oh yeah, there are tons of people who’ve been though exactly what I’ve been through!”

“That’s not what I said! I just said you’re not alone!”

Shane was fuming and pacing in front of her house. “Oh yeah? Who do I have? Who is this teeny-tiny little shit of a town would understand what I’m going through?!”

“You have me, Shane! You think I’ve never drunk myself to sleep? You think I don’t have inner demons? You think I don’t hate myself?”

They both stood frozen, glaring at each other in mutual frustration. “It’s not the same thing,” he eventually said. Brie held her gaze on him, “No, it’s not. But it’s similar enough for me to understand what you’re going through.”

All the fight that Shane had built up in his chest was now leaking from him, slowly. He couldn’t respond or move. _What has she been though that would…?_   She exhaled heavily before closing the lid to her storage chest. “Are you coming to the Luau, or not?” Shane blinked slowly. “What?”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “The Luau, it’s today and we’ll be late if we don’t leave soon.”

Shane looked around them. “What? Why? Why do you care about that?”

Brie shrugged, “It’s good for the town and the people in the town, which includes me and you.”

Shane scoffed. “Not to mention,” she continued, “Gus has probably made a whole lot of really good food for it.” _That is true,_ Shane considered. He pursed his lips for a moment before responding. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk and socialize like everything’s normal.” She smirked and raised an eyebrow. “I must’ve missed how talkative you’ve been at these last few events.” Shane let out an unexpected laugh. “Well, there’ll be food to distract conversations anyway.” Brie smiled, “exactly!”

 

 

 

Two days later and Brie was walking through town happily with her bag slung on her shoulder. Everything seemed to be going alright since the Luau. She finally felt like she and Shane were back on good terms, her new coop was done and she had two new chicks. The spring in her step lasted all the way to Pierre’s shop. “Hey, it’s Farmer Brie!” Pierre happily chimed. Brie was halfway across the store to his counter when Pierre couldn’t take his excitement anymore and met her in the middle of the room. “So, what can I get for you today? Seeds? Cooking supplies? Home decorations?” Brie smiled awkwardly at him, “Um, maybe some seeds. And, while I’m here I need to pay you for my farming book and have the next one ordered.” Pierre looked like the Feast of the Winter Star had come early. He put his arm around Brie’s shoulders and lead her the rest of the way to his counter. “Wonderful! We can certainly help you with that today. Let’s settle your book bill and order the next one first.”

Brie awkwardly laid her bag on the counter. Pierre had to let go of her shoulder to get behind his counter, but Brie still felt herself cringing from his touch. She wasn’t adverse to people touching her in general, but she never could make herself feel at-ease around him. Pierre was happily making notes and working on his store register when Brie spoke up. “So, Pierre, you seem, uh, awfully cheerful today.” Pierre beamed, “Well one of my favorite customers is about to make a huge purchase, so of course I’m happy.” Brie felt her lips press together firmly, and she just then noticed how quiet it was in his store. Normally she’d see one or two other townsfolk in here buying one thing or another, but the store was empty. “Um, is everyone eating at Gus’ Saloon tonight or something?” she asked, jokingly. “Where is everyone?” Pierre sighed heavily as he kept working. “No, it would be nice if they were, but no. Everyone’s buying things at Joja Mart right now.”

Brie frowned. “But, your place sells local food and tastes way better, why are they over at Joja?” Pierre had on a melancholic smile. “Because Joja is having a 50% off everything sale right now. That Morris fellow who manages the store lobbied with the corporate higher ups for it.” Brie felt her frown deepen. She’d heard about Morris from Shane and a few other Pelican Town residents, but she’d heard he was a miser about his profit margins. Pierre read her confusion, “He’s trying to run me out of business.” He still sounded gloomy through his smile. “Once I’m closed up, I’m sure Morris intends to charge whatever he likes for Joja’s goods.” Pierre splayed his hands. “Then Joja will be the only market in town and the residents of Pelican town will have no other choice unless they make the drive to Zuzu city.” That explained it. Brie nodded solemnly. “Well, I’m here and I personally refuse to shop at Joja.” Pierre’s smile began to resonate happiness again. “I really appreciate that. Okay, here’s your total for the books and how many of which seeds would you like?”

                Brie left Pierre’s ten minutes later with the prospect of her new book putting a skip in her step. She passed by George outside his house who touched his finger to his nose. Brie smiled and headed to Alex’s house. She knocked on the door and Evelyn opened it and ushered her in quickly. “Where is he?” she asked excitedly. Evelyn smiled sweetly. “He’s working at the ice-cream stand until 5pm.” Emily appeared from the dining room, “Oh good, you’re here, Brie. I need some help hanging these streamers.” Brie followed her into the dining room and carefully set her bag down on one of the chairs. Brie and Emily had painted the banner yesterday and stored it at Emily’s house. She must’ve had a tough time sneaking it over here with Alex’s outdoor exercises.

They managed to hang the banner and Evelyn finished setting up the mini angel food cakes. “Wouldn’t chocolate cake or pink cake be more festive?”, she asked Emily. Evelyn heard her but she smiled. “Don’t you worry dear, Alex never has had much of a sweet tooth. He usually prefers vegetables and fish dishes. Ever since he was very small he’s only liked angel food cake with fruit for his birthday. After he moved in with us a few years ago, he told me that his cake preferences hadn’t changed.” Brie walked over to Evelyn’s side. “Is there anything I can do to help out?” Evelyn smiled warmly. “That’s very kind of you, dear, but the food is about ready now.”

There was a knock on the window as Emily clapped silently and bobbed her head. “That’s the signal,” she whispered. They ducked into the dining room right before the front door opened. They heard George talking casually to Alex and then George led Alex into the dining room where the three of them were waiting with party hats on their heads. “Happy Birthday Alex!” they all said in unison. Alex was grinning ear-to-ear. “Ha ha, oh wow! Thanks you guys, this is great! Emily, did you make that banner?” Emily glowed with happiness “Brie and I did, yeah!” Brie stepped towards Alex, “Happy birthday Alex! Here,” she pulled out his present from her bag and held out to him a heavy canvas bag. “Support it from the bottom, now,” she added. Alex opened it and laughed when he saw a bundle of green beans tied up in a bow sitting on top of a jar of pickled green beans. “I’m still not able to cook much, but you liked my green beans in the spring, so I hope you like them now.”

 Alex held her gift with one hand and wrapped her in a head-lock hug with the other arm. “Yeah I like it, this is great!” Brie scrunched her face up and gripped at his arm. “Alex, leggo!” she whined. She ducked out of his grip, but he managed to ruffle her hair as she escaped. “Gah, Alex!” He grinned, “Hey it’s my birthday!” Brie pouted while fixing her hair, “I know but still, you know I have other stuff today.” He set his green beans and pickles on the table. “It’s good for you,” he said, brushing off her complaints. Emily bounced forward, “My turn! My turn!” she sang as she pressed a wrapped item into Alex’s hands. Alex opened it to reveal two handmade polyester work-out shirts. One was long sleeved and a dark charcoal and the other was short sleeved and a light, heather-gray. “Hey! These are awesome! Thanks Emily.” Emily giggled and grinned. Evelyn gave Alex a gentle hug around his torso. “Happy Birthday Alex.” Alex smiled and gently hugged his gran. ‘Alright kids,” Evelyn said after breaking the hug, “it’s time for cake.”

They had been eating and chatting for about 30 minutes when there was a knock on the dining room door frame. Brie suppressed a bashful smile. _Good, I was beginning to think she wouldn’t make it in time._ “Oh, I’m sorry I’m late. Happy Birthday Alex,” Haley said in a breathy voice. Alex set down his cake and tried (and failed) too look casual as he greeted her. “Hey, Haley. I’m glad you’re here.” Haley showed him her dazzling smile. “You didn’t think I’d miss this, did you?” Emily elbowed Brie in the ribs, “hey, Brie and I are gonna head out. You know she’s real busy with all her farming errands and my shift’ll start soon at the Saloon.” Alex suddenly looked anxiously at the two of them. “You’re leaving?” Brie set down her empty plate and pulled on her bag. “Yeah, besides, I think you can handle everything here Alex.” Brie and Emily both waved at Evelyn and George. “Thanks for the amazing cake Evelyn.” At the door Alex was tripping over his words, “But, what? You guys-“ Emily paused in the doorway to wink at him. “Happy birthday again Alex.” She said before closing the front door behind her.

After they were outside the house, Brie turned to Emily. “Was that too mean? Maybe we should’ve stayed.” Emily huffed dismissively. “Brie, you know how they feel about each other, but they’re both so proud that this might’ve never happened if we just left it up to them.” Brie sighed at the ground, “I guess.” Brie and Emily had, of course planned this. Haley rarely confided in Emily, but even so, Emily knew her sister had had a crush on Alex for a while. It was only after Brie confirmed Alex’s interest that they started to think of how they could throw those two together. Alex had, of course, mentioned Haley numerous times to her and had even asked Brie if Haley had ever mentioned him. Alex had also asked Brie to plant some sunflowers for him on her farm, _‘for no reason in particular’_. Brie had agreed fairly quickly, after all Alex had been there for her so many times it was the least she could do. _Plus, it’s just nice to see him so happy over someone._ Brie dropped Emily off at the Saloon and the rushed home to plant her seeds.

_I just hope Alex is happy with how everything played out._ Brie and Emily felt confident that Evelyn and George would give Alex and Haley some space, so any awkwardness would have to originate from between the two of them. _And, at least that way it would be addressed, resolved and then they could move forward._ Another trait Alex and Haley had in common was that they were both very quick to get to a point. Brie finished planting her seeds and gazed at the oncoming clouds as she wiped the sweat off her forehead. If it rains, then that’ll save me a chore tomorrow. Brie walked brusquely across her property to her chicken coop. She had two little chicks in her coop that Marnie had recently hatched for her, Batch and Collin. Both chicks were settling in some straw for the night. Brie double checked their supply of feed and straw and water before petting them one last time for the night. Satisfaction washed over her as she walked back into town.


	9. Panic Attacks all around!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Brie spend some time at the Saloon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****Shane and Brie both experience panic attacks.
> 
> NOTE: These panic attacks are based on my experiences. Not all panic attacks are the same or feel the same way. There are many different panic attacks that have a lot of different feelings to different people. This is not meant to be a generalization of panic attacks or the people who experience them.

 

Shane walked into the Saloon expecting to see Brie in what he now thought of as ‘her’ stool, but it was empty. Shane walked over to his stool, next to hers, and sat down before calling Emily over. “Hey, Emily, I thought I just saw you walking here with Brie.” Emily grabbed a rag and started wiping down the bar. “Yeah, she had some errands to run though.” Shane frowned slightly at his hands. “Well, is she gonna be here later?” Emily smiled curiously at him. “Hmm, I wonder why you’re so interested Shane.” Shane felt embarrassment color his face and looked away from her to hide it. “Humph, I’m not interested. Just thought I’d make conversation is all.” Emily held her gaze on him, still smiling annoyingly. “Cut it out already,” he said.

Emily giggled and walked over to him from behind the bar. “What’ll you have while you wait for ‘no-one-in-particular’?” She reminded him of the Cheshire Cat with the way she was grinning. His eyes were narrowed at her. “A beer.” Emily’s smile faded a little, but she brought him his drink all the same. Shane sighed at his beer and found himself wondering what Brie was doing right now. How was her coop working out for her and her chicks? Marnie had stepped into town for some essentials from Pierre’s that day, so Shane had been the one to check her out when she came to pick up her new animals. He chuckled to himself as he remembered her picking them up. ‘Batch’ and ‘Collin’ she’d named them. When he asked her why she picked those names she just smiled and shrugged. ‘They just look like a Batch and a Collin to me.’ Shane grinned before taking a long drink of his beer.

It was another hour and half before Brie walked into the Saloon. She immediately sat down next to him and began to catch her breath. Shane couldn’t help but be amused as she took off her straw hat and began fanning herself with it. “Hot enough for ya?” was the wittiest thing he could think to say. _Which, is actually really pathetic…_ But she smiled and laughed once between breaths. “It’s not normally… that bad, but… between running across town… and the freaking humidity today…” She shook her head, apparently needing a break from the sentence. Once her breathing became more regular she called Emily over. “Iced tea, please.” Emily giggled as she walked off to get Brie’s drink. Shane smiled at his drink. “It’s probably gonna storm tonight, but at least the rain will make it... ” Shane had trailed mid-sentence, distracted by Brie letting down her hair to cool off. She had one hand running her fingers through it and had her other hand fanning air into her face with her hat again. He’d never seen her light brown hair out of its customary twin pony-tail style. And, that straw hat she wears all the time must’ve been why Shane had missed her deep, Mediterranean green eyes. She paused her fanning after a second and glanced at him quizzically.

“The rain will make it…?” she asked. Shane didn’t need Emily’s giggle as she delivered Brie’s drink to know he was blushing. “Just, uh, cooler. The rain will cool down the valley.” He mumbled before taking a drink of his beer. “I thought you were enjoying all this heat, Shane?” Emily said, crudely. Shane almost choked on his drink, having to cough for a good ten seconds afterwards. Brie patted his shoulder until he stopped coughing, asking if he was okay. Once he’d caught his breath, he glared at Emily incredulously as she smiled and danced away to see to another customer. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Brie still had her hand on his shoulder. “Yeah… just went down the wrong pipe is all.” Brie smiled widely at him, then down into her iced tea. Shane was suddenly terrified that she had just realized why he was staring, what Emily had meant, and why it had startled him so much.

Shane couldn’t take it for very long. “What? What’s with that look?” Brie shook her head, still grinning. “I’m sorry, it’s just, what you said. My dad used to say that when he choked on a drink.” Shane felt himself grow still and his movements become measured. She’d never talked about her family before. Shane didn’t even know if she had had any family before moving here, other than her granddad who used to live in Pelican Town. _But, he’d died years ago._ “You never talk about your family,” was all he could think to say. Brie’s smile faded from amused to something sadder, forlorn. _Shit, did I just make it worse?_ “I just realized that I don’t know much about your family, but you don’t have to talk about if you don’t want to. I know how tough relatives can be.” _Damn it,_ Shane thought before taking another drink of his beer to distract himself from his own troubled memories. Brie still smiled, “No, ah, it’s okay. My family is mainly my brother and my gran. My brother is my best friend, and we’re really close, but he moved to Seagull City about ten years ago. We talk on the phone all the time, and I visit him every now and then.” Brie laughed a little. “He’s started sending me more letters since I’ve moved here.” Brie shook her head, amused at something from one of her brother’s letters, Shane guessed.

There was a long pause where Brie and Shane both stared at their drinks, neither of them bringing up the un-asked question that drifted silently between them. _‘What about your parents?’_ Instead, he asked, “Did your brother help you move here? Once you decided to move away from Zuzu City, I mean?” He’d thought to change her mind onto a more pleasant note, but apparently he’d just made things worse. Her face looked even more solemn when she answered, and her smile was gone. “Um, no, he uh… He hates Zuzu City… So, I just… asked some old friends to help… in exchange for food and… yeah… ” She took a long drink of her tea. Shane pressed his lips together, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” She shook her head, “This isn’t your fault Shane. It just is what it is, ya’know?”

_Okay, now it’s time to actually change the subject._ Shane didn’t want to do this, I mean he **really** didn’t want to do this, but he couldn’t let her keep thinking about her depressing past. _If you’re going to do it, just spit it out and get it over with!_ “So, why do you keep her hair tied back all the time?” he blurted out. Now her mouth was slightly agape and her hand, which she had methodically been running through her hair, froze. “What?” She looked embarrassed and confused, but also pleased and definitely distracted. _As long as she’s not focusing on_ whatever that _was anymore._ “I mean, you’re hair…” he continued, not exactly sure what he was going to say, “… it’s just, it looks really good on you down, ya’know?” Brie’s cheeks were red and a sky smile made its way to her face. Shane couldn’t help from feeling pleased about it. “O-oh, you think so?” she asked, her blush evident even in her voice.

Shane was surprised to find that he was really enjoying this. “Well, yeah. I mean,” he even reached out and brushed a lock of it behind her ear. “Why hide it?” Her hair was thin and soft, like long locks of silk. Brie didn’t try to move his hand or move away from him, and she was smiling despite her embarrassment at being so blatantly and openly complemented. “I guess, it uh… just never really… felt comfortable to have it down… while I worked or, um, focused on something. It just always seemed to, uh, get in the way.” Shane smiled warmly at her. “That’s a shame.”

The next moment, the Saloon door opened and Alex walked in. Alex scanned the bar and called Emily over, but Emily giggled and kept her distance behind the bar. Alex said something and even leaned over to try to grab onto Emily’s sleeve, but she ducked and hid behind Gus. Gus looked bewildered, but didn’t shake her out from behind him. Emily popped her head out from behind Gus and peered cartoonish-ly at him, all the while still giggling. Alex stopped talking and trying to get at Emily when he spotted Brie at the bar next to Shane. “And you!” he said pointing at Brie as he made his way over to them. Brie let out an “Eep!” and tried to move out of his way like Emily did, but he caught her with his arm around her shoulder. “Don’t think I don’t know about your part in all this!” Shane wanted to wrench Alex off of her and get between them, but Brie seemed like she was enjoying this? She was laughing between gasps and during the struggle.

“What’s, uh, going on?” Shane felt very angry at Alex, but confusion and a desire for a reason or rhyme to all this won out. “Oh, did you not tell him about your little ‘birthday-gift’ to me?” He asked as he finally let her go. She half fell out of her chair, but Shane caught her elbow. Brie laughed as she got up, “Well, you’re a nice person, you should get a nice gift.” Alex fake laughed. “Ha, ha, ha. You know, I’m gonna get you both back on your birthdays.” Shane, after unable to make heads or tails out of the whole situation, finally asked “What do you mean, Alex? What did they do?” Alex leaned in to Shane like they were best buds. “They both got into cahoots and set up my kitchen with all these birthday designs and standards and they surprise me coming home from work, right? So they’ve got me these really thoughtful gifts and helped my Abuela make these cakes and then they invite Haley over and leave! Can you believe that Shane? They just leave us alone.” Midway through this, Alex actually did put his arm around Shane. Shane normally would have thrown it off him immediately, but he just felt… numb. He didn't know why he just felt... unnecessary? Unneeded? The more Alex talked, the more Shane felt like an intruder on their happiness. An outcast clinging to people too kind and good for him. He felt himself absent-mindedly pull Alex’s arm off him and pull out some gold to pay his tab. “Shane, dude? It’s not that bad.” Alex said, clearly misinterpreting him. “No yeah, that sounds like something. I gotta go though.” Brie moved to stand next to him. “Shane, what’s wrong?” Shane looked into her summer-sea green eyes and felt his insides stab at him. He tore his eyes from hers, “I just need to go, I’ll see you later Brie.”

Outside the saloon, the rain had started early as Shane shuffled through town. _I told you._ Shane gritted his teeth. “Shut up.” _You knew this was bound to happen._ He picked up his pace as he cut through town. _Did you really think she could ever belong with you?_ His hands were shaking as he kept up his rapid pace. Shane couldn’t believe he’d done this, tricked himself into believing that- He couldn’t even finish the thought. _You knew it though…_ a voice in his head bitterly taunted him. _You knew she deserved better than you…_ He burst through the Ranch’s front door and slammed it shut. Marnie opened her door, panicked. “Shane? What is it? Are you alright?” He ignored her questioning and made a b-line for his room, locking it behind him. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. Shane felt himself collapse inward, and crumple onto the floor. _You know you deserve this…_

 

 -----------------

 

_What? What just happened?_ Brie couldn’t think anything else. Why did Shane leave? They were having a great time just a moment ago. _Why does this keep happening with me? What did I do? What am I doing wrong?_ Brie was vaguely aware of voices around her as she hugged her middle and shrunk in on herself. _‘Why are you surprised?’_ a sickeningly familiar voice asked. Brie shut her eyes tightly. _No, I did my best. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn't!_ Brie could feel the tension steeply building itself inside her. She had to leave right now. She had to get away from here. Brie shook her head at the thought and planted herself in her seat. She forced her eyes open and began to breathe slowly in for 5 seconds, then out for five seconds. _In and out, breathe…_ Brie repeated this process numerous times before her breathing felt regular on its own. Once her heart rate slowed, she looked up to see Emily and Alex around her with concerned expressions. “Brie, are you okay? What just happened?” Emily sounded so worried. “I’m fine… I just, I’m fine now.” Brie got up, her legs a little shaky, and focused again on her breathing.

“Did I say something to upset you and Shane?” Alex genuinely looked bewildered. Brie shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t know why Shane left, but I just freaked out because of my own stuff. It wasn’t your fault Alex.” Alex looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead he just watched her carefully. Alex put an arm on Brie’s shoulder and looked at Emily. “I’m gonna walk her home, I’ll be back afterwards.” Emily nodded, “Yeah, okay…” But Brie couldn’t worry either of them even more than she had for that day. “Alex, you don’t have to do that. I’m fine, really. It’s okay.” “It is okay,” Alex agreed, ”because I’m going to walk you home.” Brie started to protest again, but Alex was adamant and refused to listen. Brie’s emotional and physical exhaustion form the entire day began to sink in before she sighed in acceptance.


	10. You matter so much...!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane's depression and alcoholism worsens to a critical point. Brie's anxiety and worry overflows as she takes care of Shane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****** this chapter has Shane's cliff-side suicide attempt in it and a LOT of depression talk and anxiety going on
> 
> ******Also, nothing graphic, but hospital stuff including IVs and needles are mentioned

The next day was stormy, with rain pouring down in sheets across the valley. Brie sighed and put on her rain coat and work boots over her summer clothes. It only happened yesterday, but she was still worried about Shane.

Brie wasn’t sure what upset him, but she’d come to the conclusion that she had to stop by the Ranch and check on him today. She made sure her bag was zipped up and braced herself before walking out into the continuous rain. Her blueberries and melons had finally matured and she was able to harvest a great deal of fruit. She also picked her second batch of radishes for the season before planting her third in their place. Brie stored a little of each for herself in one of her outdoor bins, and packed the rest in her bag to sell at Pierre’s.

The rain was unrelenting with sporadic thunder, and lightning making brief veins across the sky. Brie pulled her hood closer to her face as she first headed to her chicken coop. _I hope Batch and Collin aren’t too afraid with this weather._ The chicks were huddled to together, chirping a little nervously, in a pile of bedding hay. Brie closed their door and made sure they had enough eating hay, pellets and water to last them a few days, just in case she forgot tomorrow. _Better safe than sorry, this rain might last a few days._

The thunder kept her on her toes all the way into town and into Pierre’s Market. “Welcome, please wipe your feet!” a feminine voiced called out. Brie wasn’t surprised to see that it was Pierre’s wife, Caroline, who had greeted her from behind one of the store’s storage shelves. Caroline was in the process of stocking sugar and flour onto the shelves. “Oh, it’s you Brie! Buying or selling?” she asked, her voice almost musical. “Selling,” Brie said before jumping at another wave of thunder. “I’ll have to grab Pierre for that then, he’ll be happy to have a break from his cleaning.” Brie raised an eyebrow, and Caroline explained, “He promised to clean our bedroom and the living room if I watched the store for him today.” Brie wasn’t sure how to respond. “Oh, okay…” In what seemed like one fluid motion, Caroline glided across the store and disappeared behind the back door.

Brie spent the extra time double checking that she had brought all the produce she wanted to sell. While she was checking, her hands brushed over a small canvas bag. It was the bag of peppers that she’d brought to the Saloon yesterday. Her face and mood fell in unison as she traced the stitched red letters. _I hope he’s alright. I hope he’s not mad at me. I don’t know what I did, but…_ Brie shook her head, trying not to think about it. “Brie!” Pierre practically sang as he walked in. “It’s so good to see you and especially since you have a new batch of produce to sell!” Pierre laughed loudly at his own joke as she began to unload her bag. “My, my! Look at all this fruit! Blueberries and melons are some of the bestselling products of the season, you know!” He finished tallying up the total and handed over a much larger sum of gold than Brie had expected. “Oh wow, thanks Pierre.” Pierre’s salesman smile glowed “Oh no, thank you Farmer Brie! These will help out a great deal.”

Back outside the rain was persistently heavy and causing huge puddles to grow on the ground. Brie side-stepped the deeper looking ones as she headed south-west through the square. After she left town, things got hairier as the ground seemed to become muddier under her feet with each passing minute. Finally, finally, Brie made it to Marnie’s Ranch. Once inside, she pulled off her hood to see Marnie pacing hurriedly back and forth in the front room. “Hey Marnie, what’s wrong?” Marnie stopped pacing and walked towards her. “Brie! Have you seen Shane?” Her stomach dropped. “No, why? What’s happened? Is he alright?” Marnie was looking around frantically as if she might spot Shane hiding behind her living room chair or her dining room table. “I don’t know, I don’t know! All I know is that he left today around noon with some drinks and I haven’t seen him since.” Brie felt as if someone had poured ice water in her veins. “I’ll go look for him, you stay here in case he comes back.” Marnie nodded and Brie rushed back out the door.

Her hood was down, but that didn’t matter. She had to search the forest and move on from there. Best case scenario was that he was at Gus’, starting early today. _But why would he take his beers with him to the Saloon?_ It didn’t make sense, but she was too worried about the alternatives to even entertain them. She’d checked the lake pier and the woods surrounding it, when she saw a building deep in the forest. “Shane!” She scrambled across mud slicks and tripped over fallen pieces of wood to arrive at an old, boarded up building. She peered through the boards into the dark dusty room inside. The place looked like it had only had mice as inhabitants for years.

She moved past it to climb the little wooded bridge that connected to a tiny spit of an island in the river. In the distance, she heard cans clinking. “Shane!” she hurried across the second bridge off of her island and saw a shape on the ground in the distance. It was Shane, and he was laying on the ground next to the cliffs. Brie slowed to a walk, in case she startled him. “Shane, what are you doing out here?” She could barely hear her voice over the rain, but she didn’t want him to jump in shock, so near the cliffs, if she called out louder. He only groaned in response. She swallowed a knot in her throat and slowly kneeled down next to him to turn him on his side. Once he faced her, she could tell his clothes were soaked though with rain and had patches of mud all over. _How long has he been out here?_ She touched his cheek and his forehead, _His skin is like ice._

“Shane, we’ve got to get you up. Now.” She wrapped her hand around his arm to prop him up, but he wrenched himself away from her. “No… just leave me here…” he mumbled. Brie stayed where she was, too afraid to move. “Brie… I can’t do anything right, not even this…” She felt her stomach drop and waited on pins and needles for him to continue. “Brie... why do I even exist? What am I even doing anymore....? I mean.... all I do is work and drink and sleep…” She could see him shaking as he threw an arm over his face.In spite of this, she could see tears starting to streak his face. “Everything would be better… if I-“ “No!” Brie shouted, not letting him finish. “No it wouldn’t! Everything would be so much worse.” Shane scoffed, then moved his arm to roll on his side and get sick. Brie put a hand on his arm again, but this time he didn’t jerk away.

“Shane look at me.” He kept his gaze resolutely away from her, so she sighed and continued anyway. “Shane, you have so many people around you who love you and care about you. People who would be so sad if something happened to you! Marnie, Jas, Emily and… Me…” That made Shane look at her, he _was_ crying and it was breaking her heart. “....why? Why do you care so much about me?” Brie slowly placed her other hand on his face. “Because you’re a kind soul who thinks of others… And because I’ve been where you are now… on the verge of doing something drastic out of depression and anxiety…” Shane closed his eyes, still shaking and sobbing under her hand. She held her gaze on his face, “It’s okay to let those who care about you help you.” An alarm went off in her head as she noticed he wasn’t just shaking, but shivering. “Brie, I think… I think I might need a hospital.” As quickly as she could, she pulled his arm over her shoulder and tugged him to his feet. There was no time to get Marnie and she couldn’t safely leave him alone. “Shane, I need you to help me. I need you to stay conscious and walk with me.”

 

\---------

 

It was a long struggle to get to the hospital. The bridge north and then west from their island was only built for one person to cross at a time. The mud and the loose ground didn’t help either. By the time they got to town, Brie was as muddy as Shane and had been thoroughly soaked herself. Finally, _finally_ , they’d made it outside the clinic. She leaned him against the wall and started to slam her fists on the door as hard and loud as she could. Shane wasn’t speaking, and could barely stay up-right. _Please, please, please!_ Thankfully, Dr Harvey hadn’t gone to sleep yet. He answered his clinic door in his pajamas though. “Wha- What’s going on? What’s happened?” Brie pulled Shane’s arm back over her shoulder. “Harvey, please, help him!” Harvey quickly got under Shane’s other arm and they were able to swiftly get through the door.

“Brie what happened to him?” Harvey almost shouted at her. Her mind was a frenzied blur as she tried to keep her words straight. “He, he was- outside drinking. His skin was cold and he-! And his clothes were soaked through when I found him.” They moved swiftly to the back room and set him on a table-like bed and Harvey pulled out a flashlight to check Shane’s pupils. “Shane, I need you to speak to me! What day is today?” By this time, Shane was barely groaning anymore and he’d stopped shaking. Mortal panic began to set into her. She could feel the tears streaming down her face. _What if Shane dies from this? WHAT IF SHANE DIES FROM THIS…?!_ “Brie!” Harvey’s voice snapped her out of her spiral. “Brie, listen to me. If you do everything I say then I promise Shane will be fine. But you have to keep your head clear and follow my instructions to the letter. DO you understand me?” She choked back a sob, and nodded. “Good. Then, first I need you to prop him up. We have to get these wet clothes off of him or his hypothermia will get worse.” Brie did as she was told, but she knew her fear was visibly manifesting on her face. _Worse?!_ “How many drinks did he have before you got to him? What kind of drinks were they?” Brie stood behind Shane and held onto his torso as she answered. “Eight empty cans of beers were near him, but he may have had more that I didn’t see.”

Once his wet clothes were off, Harvey wrapped a blanket around him and called for Brie to bring him a second one. “Good, now go into my office and get my emergency bag and bring it to me.” Brie did as she was told. Harvey was rummaging around in his bag when he gave her another instruction. “Now, go to the phone in the front office and call Maru. She’s on speed dial #2 and tell her there’s an emergency here and I need her now. GO!” Brie raced to do as she was told. Her hands shook and her voice cracked through the whole maneuver. After the phone call, she rushed to stand beside Shane’s bed, “Now what?”  Shane had one arm outside of his blanket that Harvey had hooked him up to an IV. He handed her two pads, “Bend those until they pop and then give them back to me.” Harvey had two that he had just popped in his hands already. She handed them back to him and he placed them inside Shane’s blankets. “What… What’s he on?” Brie indicated to the IV. “I’m just rehydrating his body right now.” Brie saw herself in a mirror and looked quickly away. _How could I let this happen?! Why am I like this?!_

The front door opened and closed and a few seconds later, Maru rushed into the room. She was hastily dressed, out of breath and her hair was wet from the rain. “Harvey, what’s the situation?” Brie tuned out their doctor’s speak and reached out to hold Shane’s exposed hand, careful not to disturb his IV. _It’s still so cold._ She put her other hand on the back of his hand, trying to force her body heat into him. “Brie?” Maru gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “You need to go home.” Brie stared at her wildly, “What? No! Shane needs me!” Maru looked at Shane, then back to her. “Brie, we have to pump his stomach now. You can’t be in the room while we do that, what we need you to do is to go tell Marnie what’s happened. Then go home. Take a hot shower and get some sleep. I promise,” she interrupted Brie, “I promise, he’ll be alright. We _will_ take care of him.” She didn’t want to let go of his hand. She didn’t want to leave him behind. His face was pinched and pale as he lay on the table, unmoving aside from his shallow breathing. She looked back at Maru. "But, what if-?" Maru interrupted her, "Brie, he _will_ be fine. I promise. Go." Brie found her voice was hoarse and quiet when she answered, “Alright…” And she let go of his hand.

 

\-------- 

 

Brie felt like a zombie as she walked back to the Ranch. Marnie had cried and held her tightly once she heard the news. After she let go, Brie learned that there was one bit of good news: Jas was having a sleep over at Vincent’s tonight. _Good, at least Jas won’t be lying awake all night with worry._ She left the Ranch 30 minutes later and headed to the spot where she’d found Shane. Brie dropped to her knees to collect the cans. She had 9 empty cans in her bag and held the other 3 still-sealed ones in her hand as she walked home. _Please let him be okay, please._ She stripped off her own wet clothes and got into her tiny shower. The hot water felt good, and she could almost feel her muscles un-knotting, or at least loosening. When she was done, she monotonously changed into pajamas and collapsed into bed. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t _do_ anything but close her eyes…

...

......

..........

Brie’s eyes snapped open as a thunderous bolt of lightning struck something on her farm. She rolled out of bed slowly as she felt each muscle’s knots re-asserting themselves. After hazily crossing her creaky floorboards, she wiped the fog from the tiny window that faced her farm. It was still too dark outside to tell what had been hit. She sighed before changing into fresh work clothes. The inside of her coat was still damp though so she put on another layer, one of her long sleeved flannel shirts, before zipping up the damp raincoat. She pulled on her hood and her work boots and made her way across the farm to investigate the damage. _The lightning hit one of the pine trees... And it wasn’t the only one, apparently,_ she thought as she passed two other fell trees on her way to the coop. This, at least, still seemed intact. As she entered her dim coop, she noticed her chicks bunched together in a corner. They were a little shaken, but okay. She pet each of them gently and then heaved herself up to head back out into the storm. The winds had died down a great deal, but it was still raining heavily. Brie made it to one of her storage sheds and dug around for a few moments before finding what she was looking for, radish pickles.

Her bag several pounds heavier, she headed south towards the Ranch. She wasn’t sure if Marnie would be up this early, but she wanted to stop by. The mud made her slip a few times on her trek, but she’d been able to catch herself each time before falling. She arrived un-muddied at the Ranch and warily knocked on the door. No one answered, but she shook the handle and it was unlocked. _Marnie must’ve forgotten to lock it after everything._ She slipped inside and made her way towards Shane’s room as quietly as she could. Brie had spotted a laundry basket in front of his door, and luckily it was clean. _Marnie must’ve done some laundry last night or the night before._ Brie pulled out a pair of socks, pants, and a shirt, folded them up and packed them into her bag. She silently made her way back to the front door, locking the handle behind her.

 

She made good time to the clinic, and it too was unlocked. She entered to see an empty waiting room illuminated by a single small table lamp sitting on the check-in counter. She pulled off her rain coat and hung it up before heading back to the room where she’d left Shane last night. The clouds of sleep were beginning to clear her head and her anxious terror was taking hold of her again. _I left him. I left Shane._ Brie knew she was working herself up, _but what if something had happened? What if he needed a blood transfusion and Harvey was out of Shane’s type? I’m O-, the universal donor, why did I leave?!_ She almost burst through the back room in her frightened haste. Shane was laying on the same bed as before, with his IV tube still in. She set her bag down and moved to stand beside him. But the color had started to return to his face, and his breathing seemed more regular…

She heard someone sigh and quietly say, “Brie, didn’t I tell you to go home?” It was Maru, sitting in the corner with a cup of coffee and a book. “I did go home.” Brie said, her attention pulling back to Shane. The hand of his IV’ed arm was out of his blanket cocoon and bare again. She reached out to hold his hand again. It was still cool, but not the Ice-cold it had been. Maru got up and walked over to them, checking on Shane’s IV fluids and feeling his forehead. “I meant for you to _stay_ home and sleep.” Brie ignored her last comment. “Is he okay? He looks okay, but is he really? Can I do anything? I was so stupid before, I could’ve stayed here as a blood donor.” Maru looked slightly amused. “A blood donor?” Brie nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I used to give blood all the time in Zuzu City. I’m O-, the universal donor, so I could have donated non-alcoholic blood to him if-“ Maru was laughing quietly. “Brie, a person with alcohol poisoning doesn’t need a blood transfusion. That’s not how that works.” Brie felt foolish, but ignored the feeling to press on. “Well, what happened? Did it go okay? Is he safe now?”

Maru sobered up but her voice stayed positive. “We pumped his stomach and he’s been getting rehydrated through his IV. It’s a simple procedure, but it has to be done in time for it to work.” Brie stared at her. “W-was it done in time? Is he alright?” Maru smiled, “Yes, Brie, yes. We _were_ in time and he _is_ going to be alright. It worked and he’s getting better. You don’t need to worry anymore.” Brie felt a soothing wave of relief wash over her as she looked back at Shane’s sleeping face. “I don’t know if you’ve heard this yet, Maru, but I always worry over everything.” Maru sighed and put her hands on her hips. “I’m starting to get that. Go home.” Brie didn’t even look up at her. “I’ve been home, it didn’t help. I brought Shane a change of clothes and Harvey some pickles as a thank you. They’re in my bag if Harvey’s around.” Maru sighed and moved back to her table. “Harvey’s upstairs, and fine, you can stay, but you have to be quiet and let him rest.” Brie nodded and let go of Shane’s hand to search for a chair. Once she’d located one, she pulled it over next to Shane’s bed and carefully enveloped his hand in hers again. _It’s okay, he’s okay. He’s safe… Thank Heavens he’s safe._ Those thoughts kept rolling around in her head like a happy child on a soft rug. Brie felt her eyelids grow heavy and limbs become wearier before she folded her arms on Shane’s bed. She gazed at nothing and let the minutes stretch on as she listened to Shane’s deep, rhythmic breathing. It wasn’t long before she had fallen asleep there, still gently holding his hand in hers.


	11. Oh Yoba, that hurt...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane starts to recover physically and mentally.

 

                Shane woke up slowly, consciousness returning to him before movement. When he did try to stretch his toes, his whole body protested at the strain. He experimented stretching his legs and arms and fingers, every movement hurt. Although, someone was touching his hand. He opened his eyes and felt like he was being burned with light. He knew it wasn’t that bright, but it hurt his eyes so much. This had to be the worst hang-over he’d ever had.

He forced his eyes open though, he had to get up and close the drapes more. _Huh?_ He wasn’t in his room, although there was a curtain drawn around his bed. It looked like a hospital room. Someone stirred sleepily next to him. _Brie?_ She was holding his hand in her sleep and Shane could see her mussed hair was down. She was wearing a wrinkled, flannel shirt he’d never seen her in before. By contrast he was now aware that, even though he was under blankets, he was entirely naked. He turned his head to look around the room and groaned with pain.

                Shane heard footsteps approaching and Maru walked out from behind the curtain. She was wearing a very eclectic outfit and had a clipboard in her hand, but she smiled at him. “Hey Shane, how are you feeling?” She walked over to the other side of his bed and checked on an IV bag, which was hooked up to him? “Like shit.” He grumbled. “Is this the clinic? What’s in the bag?” She moved to his left side and wrote something down on her clipboard as she answered. “Yep, it’s the clinic and that’s intravenous fluids, to rehydrate your body.” Shane grunted in response and rested his head back on his pillow. “How did Brie hear about this? Did Marnie call her?”

Maru stopped writing on her clipboard and looked up at him. “How much do you remember about yesterday?”  Shane tried, and failed, to shrug. He groaned again at his attempt at movement. “I dunno, I got up and stayed at home, then I went out to the cliffs in the forest to have some drinks, then… It’s just a blur…” Maru pressed her lips together. “Apparently Brie found you by those cliffs sometime after 7pm and brought you here. You’d been out in the rain for hours and had at least 8 beers.” _Fuck, no wonder I’m in here. Wait…_ “Brie brought me here?” Maru nodded and Harvey walked around the curtain. “I thought I heard you up. Maru, can you watch the front for me?” Maru handed Harvey the clipboard and walked out of his make-shift room. Harvey pulled a chair over and sat down on the left side of Shane’s bed.

“Brie did find you. She half carried you across town and probably woke up half the town knocking on my door.” Harvey was smiling sadly at him but Shane had pressed his eyes closed. “Dammit. Why did she have to find me?” he asked no one in particular. Harvey sighed. “Shane, last night was bad. If she hadn’t found you and brought you here… You need to take better care of yourself. I’m going to set up an appointment for you with a therapist in Zuzu City and I want you to keep it, alright?” Shane sighed and stared at the ceiling. “Yeah, okay, fine.” Harvey smiled at him and started writing on the clipboard again. “Good. You can leave here once you feel up to moving, but I don’t want you to work or do anything strenuous for three full days.” Shane grunted. Harvey looked up at him. “I’ll send Brie to track you down if I hear you’ve been working.” Harvey chuckled a little at his joke, but the threat did sound like something he’d do and she’d follow through on.

“Hey, Harvey… why am I naked?” Harvey looked up at him. “Are you cold? We can replace your heating pads or I can bring my heated blanket down from upstairs.” Shane tried to shake his head, but his neck didn’t shake so much as turn slowly. “No, I’m fine, just… naked…” Harvey blushed a little as if he had just realized that being naked was uncomfortable. “Oh, when Brie brought you in your clothes were soaked through with rain and your body temperature was dangerously low. We had to strip your clothes off and get you under blankets with heating pads fast.” _Oh good, the one thing missing from this embarrassing debacle._

Harvey got up and walked around the foot of Shane’s bed to lightly shake Brie’s shoulder. “Brie… Wake up… Shane’s awake…” Brie slowly listed her head, her cheek red from the pressure of her sleeping position. “Shane…” Then she practically fell out of her chair as she gasped and stood up. “Ah, oh Yoba! Harvey, why didn’t you wake me sooner?” She rounded on him, not looking all that threatening with sleep in her eyes. Harvey held up his hands in a ‘surrender’ pose and smiled sheepishly. “You needed your sleep, besides, Shane was sleeping too.” The phrase ‘ _was_ sleeping’ seemed to turn her attention back to Shane. “Shane! Hey, um, how do you feel? Do you need some water?”

Shane laughed a little, and looked up at his IV bag. “Nah, I’m good on water. But… where are my clothes?” Brie blushed furiously, “Oh, uh, your wet clothes are in this hospital bag, but I brought you some clothes from the Ranch.” She looked around for her bag and pulled them out. Shane couldn’t believe the trouble she went through. “Oh, thanks. Um, could you help me sit up and… give me some privacy for a bit?” Brie nodded, and looked away. “Yeah, sure. I have to talk to Harvey anyway.”

She picked up her bag and left his ‘room’. Harvey paused, and walked over to Shane’s right arm, taking out his IV. He waited until Harvey had unplugged him and given him a band-aid on his IV spot before he started to sit up. Harvey had left his ‘room’ as well before Shane’s muscles would let him fully sit up.

As soon as he took the blanket off, Shane started shivering uncontrollably. _Yoba, fuck. Why is it so cold?!_ He couldn’t keep from grunting and groaning with every movement, no matter how slight, as he dressed. He felt a little warmer, but he was still shivering as he tried to walk a little across the room. His coordination was still completely off. _Am I still drunk?_

After he rounded the screen and the room, he saw Brie and Harvey talking as Marnie arrived at the scene. _Oh, great._ Marnie gasped and rushed over to him and began to touch his overhead, his face, his arm, and it all felt sore. “Marnie, please stop.” She sighed and hugged him instead. Over her shoulder, he saw Brie handing some jars over to Harvey. Then Harvey handed her a note, and she was nodding as Harvey explained something to her. “Doctor, is Shane alright to leave?” Harvey smiled warmly at her. “Yes, as long as he doesn’t work or do anything strenuous over the next 3 days. I gave Brie a note to give to Shane’s boss at Joja excusing him from work.” Marnie nodded, her arm wrapped around Shane’s.

 Brie seemed to notice his shivering and put her hand on his arm. “Are you still cold?” Harvey nodded, “He probably will be for the rest of the day. And,” he continued, addressing Shane this time, “It’ll probably also feel like you have the flu for the next few days, so take it easy and only eat food that’s easy on your stomach.” Shane sighed. “Yeah, alright, I get it. What do I owe you, Harvey?” Harvey smiled kindly. “We can settle your bill later, just worry about getting better right now.” Marnie sighed in relief, “Thank you so much, Harvey.”  Shane saw Brie pull her bag on her shoulder, “Well, Joja must be open by now. I’ll should probably go drop this off,” she said as she shuffled to the door. Shane tried to step forward but his aching body slowed his movement and Harvey’s “thank you Brie, watch your step outside” overshadowed him.

 

\--------------------

 

Shane was soon in bed at the ranch, and it felt like death itself was settling inside him. Harvey had said it would feel like he had the flu for a few days, but he’d never had a flu like this before. Jas had taken to staying in his room when she wasn’t studying with Vincent and Penny. She’d bring her dolls or puzzles in his room and play with them on the love-seat couch Shane had wedged between his bed and the wall. He’d tried to convince her to go play outside, “Jas, why don’t you go play with Vincent? You two could play jump-rope, it’d be a lot more fun than in here.” But Jas would just brush him off saying Vincent could live without her for the day, or that she was tired of jump rope and most of all, “I want to make sure you don’t hit your head again.”

Shane felt positive that Jas knew the story of him ‘hitting his head’ was total bullshit and that Jas had figured out what had really happened. It wouldn’t be hard to guess, even without her having witnessed his recent speech about ‘not needing a plan’. Shane, instructed to bed rest that Jas felt determined to enforce, ended up napping on and off for the next two days. Sometimes he’d wake up to find Jas gone, either to sleep in her room or off to school. However, if he woke up alone, he’d always find a small cup of apple sauce, a spoon, and a glass of water next to his bed. _That little girl is too sweet to me._

After waking up around 1pm on the second day, he stumbled his way to a seat at the kitchen table, blanket around him and apple sauce in hand. _Jas taking care of_ me _now. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?_ His thoughts were interrupted by Marnie placing her hand on his forehead. Shane almost jumped out of his seat, he hadn’t heard her walk over at all. “Well, you’re a little warm, but not enough to worry over,” Marnie said with an obviously worried frown. Shane shooed her hand away, “Marnie, the doc said to rest so I’m resting. I don’t have a fever all of the sudden too.” Marnie sat down opposite to him at the table, “I know, but still…”

Shane pointed his spoon at his apple sauce cup. “So, was this your idea or Jas’?” Marnie smirked a little, “Oh no, that was all Jas’ idea. She told me she remembered apple sauce helping her feel better the last time she was sick in bed.” Shane shook his head. “And we just happened to have some in the house, huh?” Marnie truly grinned at that. “Well, no, I went and bought some from Pierre’s at Jas’ request.” Shane sighed, “Well, I guess I can’t blame her for being worried… Hey, when you were in town did you ask Harvey about my bill?” Marnie nodded and handed him and envelope that had apparently been sitting on the table. Shane opened it, read the letter inside and frowned. “Wait, is this right?” he showed the bill to Marnie. “Wow, that’s a lot cheaper than I thought it would be.” she said. Shane knew he could have this paid off in no time, but it didn’t make much sense.

He walked over to the house phone sitting on the kitchen wall and called the clinic. After a few short rings, Maru picked up. “Pelican Town Health Clinic, Maru speaking.” Shane sighed, “Hi Maru, listen Marnie just gave me my bill from Harvey and… it seems really low? Has Harvey changed his rates or something?” “Hang on a sec, let me check on your file…” after a few minutes of paper shuffling, she finally found what she was looking for. “Ah, here we are… No, he charged you for the fluids, the procedure and overnight assistance… It does look like he minimized some charges for you and that Brie made a down payment on your bill. Maybe that’s why it’s so low?” Shane sighed and rubbed his hand over his forehead. “Alright, thanks Maru. Tell Harvey to call me about those reduced charges, yeah?” Maru lowered her voice, “Shane, do you know the phrase ‘don’t look a gift horse in the mouth’? Maybe you shouldn’t push this. It’s a good thing, right?” He knew she couldn’t see it, but he instinctively shook his head anyway. “Please, Maru, just tell Harvey to call me, yeah?” She sighed and Shane could hear more papers shuffling. “Alright, will do.” And with a _click_ the call ended.

Marnie had twisted in her seat to watch him, “They reduced some charges? That’s good.” Shane shrugged and sat back down at the table. “Yeah, I guess so, but I’d still like to know why.” He was silent a moment before he added, “And… it looks like Brie paid some of it off already.” Marnie’s eyebrows rose high on her forehead. “Really? I didn’t think she could afford that right now.” That caught Shane’s attention, “what do you mean?” Marnie shrugged, “well, she’d told me how expensive her summer seeds were and she’d mentioned paying to upgrade her house recently. I guess I just didn’t think she’d have much money to spare.” Shane frowned to himself, _what was she thinking?_

“Oh, and before I forget, Brie brought over some potato soup for you earlier. You were sleeping so I just put it in the fridge.” He had trouble forming words this time. “Where- How did- Why did she do that? How was she even able to make that? She cooks her food on a hot plate!” Marnie shrugged again. “She said Evelyn let her use their stove and actually helped her cook it.”  He shook his head, “she doesn’t even have a working kitchen and she’s doing this? She didn’t have to do any of this!” Marnie smiled earnestly at him and took a sip of water from her glass. “I think that’s why she’s doing it, Shane.”


	12. Fishing and fire-lit talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brie keeps busy fishing. Shane takes night-time walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some light suicide mentions. depression and anxiety mentions.

 

The storms from the last few days left the valley humid flush with vegetation. This was good news for a farm’s various produce, but not the best news for its farmer. _I hate summer…_ Brie wasn’t much of a beach person, which made it difficult to be happy about the summer weather. She only went swimming if she physically couldn’t cool off any other way, but this seasonal hatred was mostly due to how sweaty summer could get. Above all, Brie loathed the feeling of being sweaty. She’d played sports a lot in middle school and high school; the motion of the exercise as well as the endorphins were satisfying feelings. Regardless, she’d always hated the fact that that she had to get sweaty in the process. It was the same with farming. The daily motions of watering her plants and caring for her chickens, the happiness from seeing her chickens mature and her plants flourish under her care, both were extremely satisfying. But, she had to go out and get sweaty to enjoy these pleasures. _I guess everything has its cost._

Her chickens, Batch and Collin, were both happy for the clear weather though. They’d fully explored her farm several times, but that didn’t stop them from relishing in the grass or chasing each other around the farm for hours on end. Brie wiped some of the sweat from her forehead and sighed. After dropping Shane off at his place, Brie stopped by Pierre’s place to buy more seeds. He’d made it very clear that he had been woken up by all the noise she made the night before, and tried to guilt her into giving him details of the incident. _He’s nothing if not persistent,_ she thought. It took a threat to _‘buy all her seeds from Joja mart from now on’_ to get him to drop the issue. The threat was extremely hollow, but she’d been so mad at the time that it sounded real even to herself.

In any case, Pierre finally did stop prying and then she’d bought more melon seeds, poppy seeds and radish seeds. She’d had just enough money to cover the seeds after her payment to Harvey, but now her funds were lower than the day she’d moved to the valley. Brie had to keep reminding herself that her next harvest of blueberries would be ready in a few days and she’d be fine until then. _My next harvest of peppers will probably be ready by then too._ Although, she didn’t intend to sell any of her peppers. _I guess, since everything’s done, I might as well fish. That always pays well._

 

 

Fishing took all day long, but Willy happily bought her entire catch. Although she didn’t like fishing much, and it was horrible having to stand in one spot in this heat for hours on end, she knew the money for it was good so she kept trying. _If this keeps up, I might even become a skilled angler… someday..._ Walking home with her pole over her shoulder, she spotted Marnie and Mayor Lewis having an in-depth conversation. She’d overheard the word ‘relationship’ and the phrase ‘wouldn’t look good’ before she realized that it was definitely none of her business. Brie ducked her head, looked straight at the ground, and picked up her pace west through town. The forest was buzzing with cicadas and crickets all trying to out-sing each other. Fireflies danced in the air and caused Cindersap Forest to look even more mysterious and mythical than usual.

Brie could help herself, she put down her bag and her pole to close her eyes and fully savor this moment. It’s so peaceful… The sounds of the river running through the forest flowed over her. An owl hooted warmly from one of the high treetop branches. Mice and other nocturnal mammals rustled in the bushes and trees. After a moment she sighed, picked up her things and continued her trek home.

It had gotten so dark now that Brie tripped twice over tree roots on the way to her farm. The cobble stone path on her property made things easier though. The farm seemed right with the world, except there was a figure in front of her house. The fire-pits Brie had created cast the person in silhouette and it took a moment before she recognized him. “Shane?”

 

 

Shane turned around and sighed, “There you are. I thought for sure you’d be home by now.” Brie’s face was fully illuminated as she rushed up to meet him.  “Shane, why aren’t you home resting?” She reached up to feel his forehead, which made him chuckle a little.

“This isn’t funny, Harvey said you needed to rest!” Shane shook his head, “I’m sorry, it’s just that Marnie did that same thing earlier.” He motioned to her hand. Brie pull her hand away, embarrassed. “And I am following Harvey’s orders,” Shane continued, still slightly amused. “He said I could walk around if I felt up to it, just not to do anything strenuous. Besides, I’ve only been sleeping for the last day and a half and I needed to stretch my legs.” She sighed, defeated, “alright then.”

Shane motioned to her fishing pole. “Did you catch anything good?” Brie suddenly looked worried and embarrassed. She was fidgeting at the hem of her short sleeved shirt as she answered. ”Um, I caught a lot of anchovies, tuna, a few tilapia and a halibut, but you’d have to ask Willy if they were any good.” Shane’s tone shifted slightly towards inquisitive, “You didn’t keep any of them for yourself?” Brie shrugged, “Not really. Willy pays fishermen well to help him keep his store stocked.” That got his attention and reminded him of why he made the walk here in the first place. “I heard you made a payment on my medical bill. Why did you do that?” She moved past him to store her fishing pole in one of her storage bins. “Well, I had just sold a lot of produce to Pierre and could spare it.”

Shane followed behind her and knew he sounded as exasperated as he felt. “Look, I appreciate it but I’m fine. I can pay my bills.” Brie turned to him, her eyes looked earnest. “I know you can, Shane.” She put her hands in her jean pockets and shrugged, “I just figured this would give you some time to really rest without worrying over it right away. If it really bothers you-” “It does” he interrupted, “-then you can pay me back later”, she continued anyway. Shane sighed again. “Fine. You’ll get it back in two weeks.” Brie shrugged again, “Whenever you like is fine.”

They stared at each other as the insects chirped around them and the fireflies danced around her produce. The silence between them stretched on and on until Brie spoke up again. “…Was there something else you needed, Shane?” He shuffled his feet and put his hands in his short pockets, embarrassed. “I just… I wanted to say, I’m sorry… for everything by the cliffs. And thanks, I guess, for helping me out the way you did.” Brie took a step towards him with a worried look on her face. “I’m just glad you’re still here, Shane. Do you remember anything from that night?” Shane shook his head. He was suddenly tense and horrified at himself. “No, uh, not really. Geez that really must’ve been bad then…” She nodded solemnly.

  _And, she still wants to be around me? Is she masochistic or something?_ “Brie, how can you still want to talk to me? Why go through all this trouble just to be my friend?” Brie sighed and looked at the ground in the firelight. “Well, it’s because I’m depressed and anxious too. That night, you almost did something that I’ve almost done many times.” Shane felt his stomach drop. “…What?” he asked, horrified. She _felt this way? She can’t, no. No, no, no, no!_ Brie smiled sadly up at him, “what do you mean ‘what’? Did you think you had the patent on depression and suicidal thoughts or something?” Shane forced himself to ask, “Do…do you still feel that way?” Her smile looked hollow and miserable and her eyes focused on the ground. “I feel… I don’t want to end everything anymore, there’s still so much I want to do. But, I still feel depressed and anxious at times. Sort of like nothing I do matters… You saw me at the lake when we shared that beer. Sometimes just thinking about… things… can really get to me.”

He vividly remembered that incident. Shane felt horrible thinking about a world without Brie, a world where she felt badly enough to do that. But… He strangely also felt… comforted? At kin maybe? It’d been so long since anyone could even vaguely understand his depression, his self-hatred… _But, she’s been hurting like this all along? I didn’t… I didn’t even notice, I was too busy focusing on my own bullshit._ “I’m sorry,” was all he could make himself say. Brie looked up at him, “Well, it’s no big deal. It’s just, ya’know, what it is.”

Shane moved closer to her, “No, it is a big deal. I’m so sorry. I just- I had no idea.” Brie shrugged, “It’s not your fault Shane, it’s not anyone’s fault. Well… not anyone cares anyway.” Shane could feel his chest crumpling up. “I hate that you’re going through that.” Brie smiled faintly at him. “I hate that you’re going through anything like that too.” She stepped even closer and looked up at him, “Shane, I can’t- I’d feel so broken if you were gone. I was so afraid of losing you... I know you’ve been hurting, but if it would help, I’m here. Anytime you need to talk about… this stuff or if you just want to be distracted by a silly conversation, you can talk to me.”

Shane let out a heavy sigh and a nervous laugh. “That’s, I mean, thanks.” Brie smiled up at him, then glanced around. “It’s, uh, getting pretty late. Do you want to talk more inside?” Shane could feel his face heat up, “Uh, no, um… I’ll take a rain check on the talk, I’m actually feeling kinda tired.” Her face fell a little, “Oh, go, go! Go rest and feel better. Oh, but before you go, hang on a sec…” She sped past him and leapt onto her porch and into her house. A few moments ago she returned and handed him another small bag of peppers. Shane couldn’t help but smile at the little bag. “Now, don’t eat these until you’re stomach is stronger, okay?” Shane chuckled, “Yeah, alright.”


End file.
